There should be no shame in divorce. After all, it is a challenge to sustain a marriage through a lifetime. And the circumstances of each uncoupling is unique to the coupling pair. Yet the wake of pain can follow the players throughout a lifetime, with a residue that impacts children, grandchildren, new marriages and families […]
Holidays
Holiday Season – No Time To Test The Relationship, Yet Opportunity Knocks
I have written a number of posts on holiday challenges including Valentine’s Day and Christmas. I suggest that folks review these posts in the next week. My clinical observation and I think this is a pretty obvious observation, is that holidays often intensify couples conflict. It’s a bit like the flu season. Exposure to germs is a guarantee; […]
A Valentine Cocktail: Imagination With A Splash Of Empathy
The romantic season starts now. It’s pretty short – twenty-four little hours. Well not really – there’s the build up and the aftermath to factor in. It is also an opportunity rich with the possibility of long lasting gain for your Coupledom. I will not challenge the merits of our culture’s classic symbols of romantic […]
Toolkit of New Years Vows for 2016
New Years Vows 2016: Each Day 1. Each Day I will wonder about you – how are you doing? How was your day? And each day I will take a moment to ask you. And each day I will actually listen to your answer. 2. Each Day I will tell you the truth. Each day […]
Lonely in The Coupledom: Post Holiday Blues
How Were The Holidays? The post holiday season can be an especially challenging time for couples. Perhaps you are empty nesters and the kids went back to school. Could be your vicarious thrill in watching your young children’s Christmas joy has waned with the new year or maybe when the grandparents flew back to home […]
Spotlight on The Heart: Valentine’s Day
What’s Tough About February 14? Besides the possibility of being caught in a winter blizzard, February 14 is the one day a year when the cultural spotlight aims its beams of light on the heart of the relationship. How soft, flattering or harsh the light feels, depends on the health of that heart, year to […]
Tidying Up The Holiday Mess: The Coupledom Hangover
Blight on the New Year: The ornaments are boxed, the ball has dropped and the seasonal remains of the day have been put away yet there remains some unwanted detritus from the holiday past. Those sticky, hard-to-get-off-the-soles-of-your shoes type of goo where some clash or alienation has occurred, either within the Coupledom or between the Coupledom […]
Coupledom Resolutions Revisited: New Years 2014
New Couples, Veteran Couples: Here are a few suggestions for the ritual of joint resolution that we call the New Year. When the ball drops this even numbered New Year be prepared. Talking Heads: Vow to aim for eye contact when you have verbal exchanges as much as possible. The walking out of or into […]
Bracing For Santa: Holiday Performance Anxiety In The Coupledom
Anticipating Complications: If you notice, as the days darken and talk of turkeys and Black Friday fill the air, that your insides have begun to retract and breathing has become a more shallow affair, perhaps you are suffering from Holiday Performance Anxiety. And if the communication between you and your partner about when to leave […]
I Don’t Want To Lose My Children
Father’s Day: A Sunday devoted to dad is coming up shortly and my clinical mind scans through father files looking for relevant information. Strangely, one oft-repeated phrase leaps out at me; “I don’t want to lose my children” – something that many fathers have said in my office when facing the possibility of a divorce. […]
A Smart Mother’s Day for The Coupledom
Your Mother, Her Day: Mother’s Day is coming and the material world is busy reminding us to commemorate our mothers with flowers, jewelry, breakfast in bed, and dinner out at a special restaurant. Though this tradition of honoring motherhood has ancient roots, the current version began in 1907 when Ana Jarvis, desirous to honor her […]
Valentines With Heart and Humor: A Developmental Approach
A Different Perspective: This will be my third post on the “lovers” holiday and I am stretching my brain to think what I might add to the topic that would be useful here. In the post Valentine’s Day Gifts Take Some Knowing I tackled the topic of gift giving. Valentine’s Day and The Coupledom: Is […]
Aftermath: Cleaning Up The Coupledom’s Holiday Mess
What Was Your Holiday Like? I counted three holiday disasters in my caseload prior to New Year’s and I expect reports of more in the coming days. Disaster may be too strong a word since I believe most “messes” can be worked on and cleaned up with help. Hence the post. But holiday pressure puts many […]
Free Holiday Gifts
As the holidays consume our time and attention, I suspect reading blogs will fall down on the “to do” list. But just in case you have a moment now or after the Times Square Ball drops us into 2012, take a peek at the contents page of The Couples Tool Kit. Or dip into the […]
Hanukkah is here… Christmas is coming… Don’t miss these posts from The Holiday Toolkit
The holidays are upon us, and with them, the potential for stressful times for The Coupledom. Whether we are talking about Christmas, Easter, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Passover, Ramadan, Valentines Day or just making resolutions on New Years Day, these posts have been popular in the past and offer useful insights, particularly at this time of the […]
Holiday Toolkit 2011: The Narcissist’s Stocking Stuffer: A Coupledom Alert
What do you get a narcissist for the holidays? No, this isn’t a bad joke — just another helpful post from The Holiday Toolkit intended to help you survive the most wonderful time of the year. Today’s post from the Holiday Toolkit: Excerpt: How many days to Thanksgiving? To Hanukkah? To Christmas? To Kwanzaa? To […]
Holiday Toolkit 2011: ToolKit of New Years Vows for Relationship 2010
As we all enter the weekend before Thanksgiving, it’s not too early to begin thinking about the end of the year and the health of our relationships. Here is another post about relationships and the holidays from the Holiday Toolkit. Today’s post from the Holiday Toolkit: Excerpt: Take a moment, contrived as it may sound, […]
Holiday Toolkit 2011: The Divorce Survival ToolKit for Children of All Ages
Holidays are stressful times for The Coupledom. Here is another post about divorce and the holidays from the Holiday Toolkit. Today’s post from the Holiday Toolkit: Excerpt: Adult children of divorce as well as their younger counterparts struggle with the new regime, the confusing order of things and benefit from a language and vocabulary that […]
Holiday Toolkit 2011: Holiday Mayhem for the Coupledom?
Holidays are stressful times for The Coupledom. These posts have been popular in the past and offer useful insights, particularly at this time of the year, so we are collecting them here. Today’s post from the Holiday Toolkit: Excerpt: No matter which holiday you subscribe to, whether it be Christmas, Hanukkah, Passover, Easter, Ramadan or […]
The Narcissist’s Stocking Stuffer: A Coupledom Alert
Holidays Coming: How many days to Thanksgiving? To Hanukkah? To Christmas? To Kwanzaa? To New Year’s Eve? Enough to create a big fat Coupledom mess. What are the holidays known for in my profession? Opportunity for families to become combustible, leaving memories scorched with flames. Why? Holidays provide fertile ground for narcissistic orgies rich in […]
Oldies but Goodies: The Divorce Survival ToolKit for Children of All Ages
Jill is taking a break from the blog this weekend and keeping her fingers crossed that the October nor’easter doesn’t leave southern Connecticut without power…again. Here is one of her most popular posts from the past year or so. Excerpt: Weddings, baptisms, bat and bar mitzvahs, graduations, Thanksgiving, Hanukah, Xmas, often summon up painful emotions […]
Valentine’s Day Gifts Take Some Knowing
Listen and Learn: Over the decades, I have been privy to the attitudes, joys and disappointments of countless Valentine Days. Due to this rich sampling of heart shaped emotionalism, my gift to my readers is the wisdom gleaned from the unique vantage point of the clinician: Think! What Do I Know About My Partner, his/her […]
The Divorce Survival ToolKit for Children of All Ages
Children of All Ages: For any age group, the ramifications of separation and divorce are felt most acutely at holiday time. Adult children of divorce as well as their younger counterparts struggle with the new regime, the confusing order of things and benefit from a language and vocabulary that empowers them. Locating their boundaries and […]
Valentine’s Day and The Coupledom: Is This a Test?
According to Wikipedia, Valentine’s Day “ is an annual holiday held on February 14 celebrating love and affection between intimate companions.[1][4] The holiday is named after one or more early Christian martyrs named Valentine and was established by Pope Gelasius Wait a Moment: Is This a Test? This is the unspoken question spinning inside the […]
ToolKit of New Years Vows for Relationship 2010
THIS NEW YEARS EVE, SUGGESTED VOWS FOR THE COUPLEDOM Take Time: Each day, by email, cell phone or in person, touch base on how your partner is doing. Be Curious: Just a simple inquiry, how has your day been? No distance or work load or diaper pile is far enough, big enough or deep enough […]
Holiday Mayhem for the Coupledom?
One Big Holiday Down: No matter which holiday you subscribe to, whether it be Christmas, Hanukkah, Passover, Easter, Ramadan or Kwanzaa, holiday gatherings tap chords of joy and notes of challenge for the best of couples. This is when partners feel pressured to perform at peak, cooking, cleaning, decorating, buying gifts, setting up guest facilities […]