Couples therapy is a unique modality that takes courage on the couples’ part and unique skills on the part of the therapist. It is a dynamic dance whereby the therapist has to have the flexibility to be in the shoes of each person in the Coupledom to hear and translate emotions from partner to partner to better shape the choreography of their relationship. This is a unique collaboration of three which is based first on forming trust and then moves to a pragmatic, emotionally honest phase of solution focused outcomes. As the therapist, I find this modality stimulating, challenging and enormously rewarding when I see couples feeling safer and better understood by their partner. The goal is to deepen trust in the relationship in tandem with increased self-knowledge, self-respect and respect for the other which serve as the pillars of support going forward. A new muscle of understanding, insight and honesty is being formed through the hard work of the therapy; owning one’s part in the conflicts without sacrificing self- esteem or individual identity. This a multi-layered, highly dynamic venture whose rewards are lifelong and shared with the entire family.
In my view, it takes courage to enter into couples therapy, and even more to stay the course. Fear of “exposure” of inadequacies or guilt often blocks well-meaning partners from crossing the threshold and doing the work. Often, one member over time “forces” their partner to make an appointment for couples therapy or counseling. Because of the high level of fear and anxiety often accompanying these first visits, it is critical that the process of collaborative exploration begin in as “safe and accepting” an atmosphere as possible.
I view that as my first task in the therapeutic collaboration. Over time, partners can begin to take risks, i.e. reveal feelings that they have striven to hide from themselves and each other for years. As a team of “three”, the couple and I brainstorm and study together what behaviors need to change, what rigid views of self and other need modification and clarification, what distortions and self images from the past have put a blight on the present. A technique that is often very successful when the couple is paralyzed by two opposing opinions on a particular issue is that we seek a third option, a compromise that is acceptable to each member of The Coupledom but needed the presence of a third party to unearth.
My expertise and profound knowledge of human behavior and struggle guides the couple in this investigation and healing and new learning. The effect is liberating and often very exciting for all concerned.
"Jill’s attentive approach and warmth set me at ease within moments in our first session. Her regard for my emotions and her heightened listening skills gave rise to trust between us that allowed me to grow exponentially. I cannot express my gratitude enough to Jill for the work we’ve done together."
Jill helped me tremendously over a 20 year period. She is perceptive, smart, articulate, humorous and as another reviewer put it, “she hits the nail on the head” with many issues. I was in a very difficult marriage when I began seeing Jill, and she got me through the remainder of my marriage, and years later a very lengthy, difficult divorce. I credit her with that and will always be grateful. Through the process, Jill helped me understand my family background and some of the reasons I had the issues I had and have. Jill is a very caring person and her guidance and help were thoughtful in all ways.
"Jill was able to compassionately, yet purposefully, unearth the root issues that had left our marriage of twenty-five years in a tenuous place; helping each of us to better understand and take ownership of our unique contributions to the state of our relationship. After lots of hard work, patience, and, with Jill’s help – a newfound empathy for each other, our sessions with Jill fostered an ease of communication and understanding that was very difficult for us to elicit before meeting her. I am pleased to report that now - thirty-five years in - our marriage is stronger than ever. The profoundness of Jill’s impact on our lives cannot be overstated."
“I have referenced your blog to others many times. You do really and truly get it! There is something about reading the journey taken by someone else to make our own journey easier and to view the sometimes difficult experiences with another’s understanding perspective.”
NN Riverview School parent
"Ms. Edelman is an extremely insightful, caring, compassionate therapist who is able to quickly get to the core of an issue. She has helped me as an individual for many years as well as as part of a couple. In fact, I do not believe that I would have been able to find love without her help. You could not ask for a better professional to help you with any issue. I highly recommend her to all."
"I have known Jill professionally for over 20 years. She is an absolutely fantastic therapist, that cares deeply for her patients, is easily accessible and always has solid advice and recommendations. She has helped me personally as well as in my marriage, work thru issues as they have arisen over the years. I owe her a great deal of credit for the person I have become today. I consider her a part of my extended family, she has been that important in my life. My wife and I regularly say to each other "thank you Jill".