This painful Pandemic Pause in our lives offers a time for reflection. And this post is the product of that reflection. As I said to one couple who visited for a session outside on my deck, often what we seek from each other is to be comforted, swaddled, made to feel safe again. And most […]
Parenting
I Don’t Want To Lose My Children
Father’s Day: A Sunday devoted to dad is coming up shortly and my clinical mind scans through father files looking for relevant information. Strangely, one oft-repeated phrase leaps out at me; “I don’t want to lose my children” – something that many fathers have said in my office when facing the possibility of a divorce. […]
A Smart Mother’s Day for The Coupledom
Your Mother, Her Day: Mother’s Day is coming and the material world is busy reminding us to commemorate our mothers with flowers, jewelry, breakfast in bed, and dinner out at a special restaurant. Though this tradition of honoring motherhood has ancient roots, the current version began in 1907 when Ana Jarvis, desirous to honor her […]
Oldies but Goodies: Sibling Order Flavors The Coupledom: Oldest, Youngest, Middles and Onlies
Jill is taking a break from the blog this week. Here is one of her most popular posts from the past year or so. Excerpt: If your place in the family lineup involved dodging the bullets that flew at your older sibling, learning from his or her sufferings how to best avoid parental disapproval or […]
The Delights of Difference: 11-06-11
Pride To The Sky: Yesterday our son and his boyfriend joined day two of our daughter’s birthday celebration. The young men took the train from the city and we all drove to the Palace Theater in Waterbury, Connecticut to see In The Heights and catch up with their high school buddy who is in the […]
Coupledoms, Focus On Education!
Clarifying Priorities: I do not consider myself an expert on economics, not even adequate, but I am an expert on couples and families. Today’s New York Times’ Op Ed column by David Brooks is a must read for couples with children. Scroll down to paragraph 7 and read his description of something he terms “Red […]
Giardia and Feral Cats: 10-24-11
Smart Girl: I caught up with our daughter at last when she called me yesterday around 2:30 P.M. as I was on route with my son to help him move into his new apartment/closet on 15th Street in N.Y.C. The young lady surfaced at last to give me her view of her tour of ROAR, […]
Part of The Process, Not The Solution: 10-7-11
Epilogue: Last evening at 9:15 I called my daughter’s cell phone to find out how her SPHERE rehearsal went, and if she felt O.K. about being there. As there was no answer, I called the CRS (Continuous Support Services) apartment phone line, knowing the staff person likely would answer. And she did. Her first words […]
Oldies but Goodies: Our Child Is Gay; Hasidic; Autistic; Muslim; Bi-Polar; Asperger’s; Born Again: The Coupledom Adjusts
Jill will be back with a new daily post tomorrow, but for tonight, here’s another of her Oldies but Goodies. Excerpt: The Parenting Gamble: Whether you birth or adopt a child, genetically screen or take your chances, what you draw from the pile may please you, challenge you, overwhelm or revolt you in turn. The […]
Oldies but Goodies: Parenting Adult Special Needs: One Day At A Time
Jill is taking a break from her daily posts tonight and tomorrow night, so since it’s Rosh Hashanah and the start of a new year, we thought it was a great time to revisit the very first Parenting Adult Special Needs: One Day At A Time post from March 30, 2011. Excerpt: Your Child Is […]
The Divorced Coupledom: Milestones Celebrated In Court
Back To Court: Several times a year, whether I am in session with a patient, or bumping into friends, acquaintances or former patients in the aisles of the local supermarkets, the phrase “He/She is taking me back to court,” is whispered to me in tones of distress, anger, irony or weariness. Weariness often more than anything laces […]
Our First Separation: 8-20-11
A Weekend Away: We left the area for the first time since our daughter took residence in her adult independent living abode. Yesterday afternoon my husband and I headed for his home state of Maine. Our daughter had virtually no reaction, certainly no concern. Her only request was that we purchase a stuffed chocolate lab […]
The Strangeness Of Proximity: 6-29-11
Dad Visits The Apartment: Last night, for the first time, our daughter’s dad visited her soon to be new home. We set the trip mileage to zero and drove to the next town. Nine miles, eighteen minutes without traffic, between home and future abode. The tour went well and our daughter was proud to show […]
Great Father/Great Mother: Failed Coupledom?
The New Yorker Captures The Coupledom: If ever you need a visual for what is happening to your Coupledom, pick up several copies of the New Yorker Magazine, and flip through the pages. Inevitably you will find the very image that corresponds to your moment. I did. While preparing my thoughts for this post, this […]
Parenting Adult Special Needs: One Day At A Time
Your Child Is Coming Back To A Town Near You — Or Maybe They Never Left: Our daughter is graduating this June from a special education boarding school and returning to her home state of Connecticut after five years living with peers in a dormitory setting where all needs were met: academic, social and vocational. […]
Our Child Is Gay; Hasidic; Autistic; Muslim; Bi-Polar; Asperger’s; Born Again: The Coupledom Adjusts
The Parenting Gamble: Whether you birth or adopt a child, genetically screen or take your chances, what you draw from the pile may please you, challenge you, overwhelm or revolt you in turn. The odds are that many parents/Coupledoms will become members of clubs that they never wished to join, and may be horrified to […]
Is Our Child Gay? The Coupledom Grapples With “Difference”
A Child Is Lost: I had already begun to draft this post with the focus on parents faced with questions regarding their developing child’s gender preferences when the news of a suicide at Rutgers University made the headlines. This post is dedicated to the memory of Tyler Clementi and all the youngsters who fall beneath […]
Sibling Order Flavors The Coupledom: Oldest, Youngest, Middles and Onlies
Sibling Placement: Another Factor To Consider in The Coupledom: Most of us have siblings. Some of us do not but we marry someone who does. Then there are the ever increasing few who are onlies (NYTimes Style section on only children) and marry onlies. All permutations and combinations of sibling order and mating are fascinating, […]
Couples Communication: What Are We Teaching Our Children?
Modeling Communication: Without a doubt, the ticket to Coupledom disaster is best acquired by non-communication. Couples who choose therapy are talking just enough to reach a consensus to get help. Couples who can’t talk communicate with attorneys. What boggles this therapeutic mind is where did these folks learn to “not communicate”? As a culture, we […]