Big Stakes Question: Will I ever be able to trust you again? Lies, a pattern of lying, finally exposed and then at last a forced coming clean; what does any of that mean? Frankly there is no more powerful issue in couples therapy – in all interpersonal linkages, than this question: Do liars change? Lance […]
cheating
The Affair: A Symptom of Marriage Rot or A Rotten Spouse?
Affairs Come In Colors: Not all infidelities look alike. The red-hot mega-media adulteries are not the prototype for most unfaithful Coupledoms. The shades of color for the common household variety of betrayal are in grays, not black, white or red-hot. Yet folks on either side of the betrayal highway feel more comfortable thinking in black, […]
50% Of Us Is Done: Marriage Over?
The Unfairness Factor: One of the more profoundly emotional experiences in couples work is watching the demise of a Coupledom when only one of the partners is “done.” The spouse who wants to keep the marriage alive is outnumbered. Yes outnumbered because it only takes 50% of the vote to emotionally dissolve the marriage. How […]
What Is The Media Doing To Our Marriages?
The Famous Unfaithful: A couple recovering from an infidelity described being rattled by the constant news reports of the famous unfaithful. The upside of the battering ram of infidelity reminders is that the husband is regretful and pained by his actions, which bolsters his commitment to working on his marriage. His wife sees his struggle […]
What Are The Daughters Thinking? DSK, Schwarzenegger, Clinton
Imagine: Can anyone imagine DSK’s lunch with his daughter 17 minutes after he left the Sofitel Hotel and his encounter with a hotel housekeeper? Whatever that moment was in the Sofitel, DSK shifted to dad mode within minutes of being “someone else.” His daughter Camille is a 25-year-old Columbia University graduate student. After her dad’s […]
Addressing “Married, with Infidelities” within The Coupledom
Taking a break from taking a break, I couldn’t resist commenting on a very interesting article in the magazine section of today’s NY Times, Married, With Infidelities, by Mark Oppenheimer, who writes the Beliefs column. (Especially in the light of all the recent conversation about infidelity surrounding former NY Congressman Anthony Weiner and his Sexting escapades, […]
What Do Your Children Know About Your Coupledom?
Little Pitchers, Big Ears? Children are sponges. They are meant to be so. Absorbent. It facilitates learning the art of being human. Parents swell with pride when describing the latest juvenile achievement, seemingly spun from some invisible loom. Yet this sponge-like quality of growing children is recognized by proud parents when it suits us, and denied […]
Should Sandra Bullock Forgive Him? Forgiveness and The Coupledom: What Makes It So Difficult
To Forgive: According to the Oxford College Dictionary, second edition, 2007, forgive is to: “stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw or mistake.” Stop is the operative word here. Stop The Feeling. How to “stop” a feeling of such magnitude, as if all that was required was a red sign at […]
Dodging The Bullock Bullet: Why Do Women Marry Philanderers?
Philander: Readily or frequently enter into casual sexual relationships with women (Oxford College Dictionary, 2007). Philanderer, informal definition: Womanizer. What Were They Thinking? Sandra Bullock and Norris Church Mailer, sixth wife of Norman Mailer, and author of the newly published Ticket To The Circus reviewed in Sunday’s New York Times both married men with known […]
Tiger’s Tale: Tiger Woods, Elin; Denial and the Coupledom
The Role of Denial in the Coupledom: How many more times before the year is out, will another powerful man be exposed as a philanderer? Will we see more women standing at podiums reminding us of the old ballad, “Stand By Your Man”? For the Coupledom, what can be learned here? In one word, […]