The Pandemic Coupledom 2021: A Year of Reinventing the Meaning of “Us” A Year of Loss How is your Coupledom doing a year into the abhorrent challenge of the COVID-19 pandemic? Have you suffered the greatest price, the loss of a loved one – your partner or your parent, your child or your friend? I […]
Differences
A Valentine Cocktail: Imagination With A Splash Of Empathy
The romantic season starts now. It’s pretty short – twenty-four little hours. Well not really – there’s the build up and the aftermath to factor in. It is also an opportunity rich with the possibility of long lasting gain for your Coupledom. I will not challenge the merits of our culture’s classic symbols of romantic […]
Married to Wikipedia: The Evolving Marriage
The Expert: About a decade ago, I worked with a May-December Coupledom, the wife almost twenty years junior to her hubby, who were at a marital crossroads. The images each had originally held of the other were now anachronistic. The husband seemed trapped in the patriarchal position of most knowledgeable, the decider and the protector. […]
Marital Myths: I Thought I Could Change Him/Her
Chemistry Compromises Clarity: We meet, we spark and we bond. What are the variables that allow folks to desire attaching themselves to someone? Physical attraction is a pretty heady draw but if met with an unappealing personality, a “dud” may not sustain its spark. There are many additional sources of attachment attraction. “We have fun […]
Home Heals: 11-13-11
Sunday, A Day Of Rest: Today our daughter is with us. She slept here last night, a good and restful sleep after “The worst week of my life.” It was a rough week, littered with interpersonal ruptures that took their toll with familiar melt downs so characteristic of this time of year, SAD (Seasonal Affective […]
We Are So “P” of You: 11-5-11
A Run Down On The Cats: During our ride back from the birthday dinner/shopping celebration last evening, our daughter described her work at The Complete Cat Clinic earlier that day. She spoke of Elwin Nelson, Mocha and Coco. Elwin Nelson is white with brown patches, a male and “adorable.” Coco is a cat whom our daughter […]
Coming Up On 22: 11-2-11
Birthday Girl: Two days from today our daughter celebrates her twenty-second birthday, which will be marked by a variety of events including attending theater in Waterbury, Connecticut to see “In The Heights” and a trip to the Vera Bradley store at the Westfarms Mall. Bass Player Pal: Her brother and his boyfriend are coming up […]
Coupledoms, Focus On Education!
Clarifying Priorities: I do not consider myself an expert on economics, not even adequate, but I am an expert on couples and families. Today’s New York Times’ Op Ed column by David Brooks is a must read for couples with children. Scroll down to paragraph 7 and read his description of something he terms “Red […]
Love Her For Who She Is: 10-17-11
Ronan: I had an idea for today’s post but dropped it this morning when I read Emily Rapp’s piece in Sunday’s New York Times, Notes From A Dragon Mom, about her son Ronan, eighteen months old, who has Tay-Sachs Disease. The article is painful, so I am not suggesting it to readers without a useful motive. […]
Join Their World: 10/10/11
100 Years Of Peter Pan: Today’s New York Times Op Ed section had a piece written by Maria Tatar, chairman of Harvard’s folklore and mythology program who reminded us all that this week Wendy and Peter are one hundred years of age. In my opinion, one hundred wonderful years for those of us who fell in […]
Husbands Without Friendships or Heart: Why?
Boys Are Socially Illiterate? Niobe Way, a psychologist at New York University whose area of specialty is adolescent development, recently published a book entitled Deep Secrets: Boys’ Friendships and The Crisis of Connection. The book focuses on her research on male adolescent friendships, her experience as a high school guidance counselor and observations as the […]
How Smart Is Humor: 9-10-11
A Necessary Balance: I had to cancel our UGGS (boots) shopping yesterday. Rescheduled for next Saturday due to a previous commitment to my husband to head down to Cape May Point, New Jersey if the weather were good. And so it was. Our daughter handled the delay well but I didn’t. I felt that I […]
Skunked And Bumped: 8-31-11
Home At Last: At 3 P.M. yesterday our daughter called, joyful the power was on in her Ridgefield apartment so the gal was going home. Whew! Now that was timely, as our son had reached me moments earlier from our house to say our generator was “fried.” Darn, the guys were right, keeping it on […]
A Very Social Storm: 8-28-11
We Bailed: The vote was unanimous, five in favor of boarding the 1:30 ferry yesterday bound for Bridgeport, Connecticut, a smooth crossing indeed. After stops for food, including a local farm replete in pigs, blueberries and an amazing flax seed bread, we reached home. Our son made his original wheat berry beef stew, inviting his […]
Pregnant, Tired Or Fired? Nope Just Gone: 8-12-11
Irony, Life’s Theme Song: I just reread the last paragraph in my 8-8-11 post. The paragraph started with the topic: “I Love This Coach” and ended with a silent prayer. I think you get my drift already. Yes, the coach is gone, poof, as of yesterday. No kidding. Neither pregnant, tired nor fired, she just left. […]
The Coupledom Contract: Who Gets Thrown Under The Bus?
The Costs Of Accommodation: There are many unspoken and even unconscious clauses in most Coupledoms. They may include never confronting your partner with the reality of their tone-deaf singing or limited grace on the dance floor. Perhaps the overcooked spaghetti goes unmentioned, or the gardening attempts that are less than stellar. None of these accommodations […]
Stereotyping The Coupledom
Stereotyping Your Partner: One marvels at the power of gender stereotyping in The Coupledom, that domicile in which the relationship resides. Years, even decades into a marriage, partners interpret behaviors in the language of expected gender norms. Often these interpretations are inaccurate and create emotional distance rather than facilitate connectedness. Dismissive or Disengaged? At the […]
The Secret To A Happy Marriage: Self-Expansion
A Tip To Start The Coupledom Off On The Right Foot in 2011: The sum of one partner part plus one partner part equals two partner parts: No! Not if you follow the research. In fact, as mentioned in previous posts, optimal bonding in The Coupledom should lead to a much greater, broader entity…the combined […]
Is Our Child Gay? The Coupledom Grapples With “Difference”
A Child Is Lost: I had already begun to draft this post with the focus on parents faced with questions regarding their developing child’s gender preferences when the news of a suicide at Rutgers University made the headlines. This post is dedicated to the memory of Tyler Clementi and all the youngsters who fall beneath […]
How to Accept and Enjoy Differences
Couples often are strikingly bewildered by their partner’s inability to feel what they feel and act as they do. It does not easily compute that this person, with whom I have chosen to spend my time, thinks so differently and behaves so “unlike me.” And the “unlike me” is the operative word here. The human […]