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Divorce

Holiday Horrors for Adult Children of Divorce – A Toolkit of Options

Holiday Horrors for Adult Children of Divorce – A Toolkit of Options

By Jill Edelman . December 10, 2018

There should be no shame in divorce. After all, it is a challenge to sustain a marriage through a lifetime. And the circumstances of each uncoupling is unique to the coupling pair. Yet the wake of pain can follow the players throughout a lifetime, with a residue that impacts children, grandchildren, new marriages and families […]

Don’t Wait – That’s The Biggest Mistake!

Don’t Wait – That’s The Biggest Mistake!

By Jill Edelman . September 12, 2016

When asked what is the most serious mistake that couples make, I answer, they wait too long to get help. The energy required to sustain a disabled Coupledom and avoid facing the realization that “we have problems that need professional expertise” could be channeled into using that “help” to improve the marriage. In fact, problems […]

Why Do Some People Stay? What Can We Learn From Hillary Clinton

Why Do Some People Stay? What Can We Learn From Hillary Clinton

By Jill Edelman . June 10, 2016

I am listening to an audio book called First Women by Kate Browser, which delves into the lives of first ladies from Jacqueline Kennedy to Michelle Obama, providing lots of anecdotes and “insider” information about each of the ladies as well as painting a very interesting portrait of their lives in the White House, a portrait […]

Relationships 2015: Married and Otherwise

Relationships 2015: Married and Otherwise

By Jill Edelman . January 2, 2015

Holiday Greetings and Wishes for a robust Coupledom in 2015 – a relationship between two consenting adults that flourishes and bares healthy fruit, whether that means children, pets or simply a fulfilling shared life. I’d like to share some of my thoughts on how to approach your relationship in 2015. A couple of weeks ago […]

Note To My Ex: What To Do With All That Stuff

Note To My Ex: What To Do With All That Stuff

By Jill Edelman . August 29, 2012

Bitter Twitter: On August 22, the highest trending tweet was #NoteToMyEx. Thousands of tweets spewed across the Twitterverse with such as: I can be happy without you and I’m doing so much better then when I was with you. let’s clarify: you were LUCKY to have me. I was the one settling. So shut up. […]

What Can We Learn From Katie Holmes? Don’t Stop Thinking About Tomorrow

What Can We Learn From Katie Holmes? Don’t Stop Thinking About Tomorrow

By Jill Edelman . July 13, 2012

Katie Holmes: What can we learn from Katie? She is clearly a girl who never stopped thinking about tomorrow. She married a big star, apparently with an ironclad prenup that didn’t rust, and she never gave up her day job. Though some might question the Katie Holmes reference, I am using her to make a point. […]

I Don’t Want To Lose My Children

I Don’t Want To Lose My Children

By Jill Edelman . June 8, 2012

Father’s Day: A Sunday devoted to dad is coming up shortly and my clinical mind scans through father files looking for relevant information. Strangely, one oft-repeated phrase leaps out at me; “I don’t want to lose my children” – something that many fathers have said in my office when facing the possibility of a divorce. […]

A Divorcing Option: A Gracious Ending

A Divorcing Option: A Gracious Ending

By Jill Edelman . April 30, 2012

The Possibility of Closure and Release: Once again Sunday’s The New York Times has offered an article that warrants attention. Briefly, as I am still on the road with my Coupledom, I want to draw your attention to Abby Ellin’s review of a new trend in divorced, divorcing or breaking-up Coupledoms. (I would say, former […]

An Article Worth Sharing: Pre-Marital Cohabitation

An Article Worth Sharing: Pre-Marital Cohabitation

By Jill Edelman . April 16, 2012

This Merits a Perusal: I am about to take a journey with my spouse which will include an abundant amount of “quality time” together, some of it on the road. Hence I am sure that upon my return home, I will have ample material to ponder and share. I had no plans to post anything […]

Do You Need an Education to Stay Married?

Do You Need an Education to Stay Married?

By Jill Edelman . February 23, 2012

The National Marriage Project: The State of Our Unions is a joint publication of the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia and The Center for Marriage and Families at The Institute of American Values. I have provided a link to download a PDF of the study above and urge everyone to scroll through […]

Holiday Toolkit 2011: Divorced: Now What To Do With The Ex-Laws?

Holiday Toolkit 2011: Divorced: Now What To Do With The Ex-Laws?

By Jill Edelman . December 7, 2011

While this post isn’t specifically about the holidays, it is all about family relationships and dealing with the “ex-laws” after a divorce – which always shows up as a major factor during holiday season.  So we are adding it to the Holiday Toolkit in the hopes that it may just help you survive the most […]

Holiday Toolkit 2011: The Divorce Survival ToolKit for Children of All Ages

Holiday Toolkit 2011: The Divorce Survival ToolKit for Children of All Ages

By Jill Edelman . November 17, 2011

Holidays are stressful times for The Coupledom. Here is another post about divorce and the holidays from the Holiday Toolkit. Today’s post from the Holiday Toolkit: Excerpt: Adult children of divorce as well as their younger counterparts struggle with the new regime, the confusing order of things and benefit from a language and vocabulary that […]

Coupledoms, Focus On Education!

Coupledoms, Focus On Education!

By Jill Edelman . November 1, 2011

Clarifying Priorities: I do not consider myself an expert on economics, not even adequate, but I am an expert on couples and families. Today’s New York Times’ Op Ed column by David Brooks is a must read for couples with children. Scroll down to paragraph 7 and read his description of something he terms “Red […]

Oldies but Goodies:  The Divorce Survival ToolKit for Children of All Ages

Oldies but Goodies: The Divorce Survival ToolKit for Children of All Ages

By Jill Edelman . October 29, 2011

Jill is taking a break from the blog this weekend and keeping her fingers crossed that the October nor’easter doesn’t leave southern Connecticut without power…again. Here is one of her most popular posts from the past year or so. Excerpt: Weddings, baptisms, bat and bar mitzvahs, graduations, Thanksgiving, Hanukah, Xmas, often summon up painful emotions […]

The Affair: A Symptom of Marriage Rot or A Rotten Spouse?

The Affair: A Symptom of Marriage Rot or A Rotten Spouse?

By Jill Edelman . October 28, 2011

Affairs Come In Colors: Not all infidelities look alike. The red-hot mega-media adulteries are not the prototype for most unfaithful Coupledoms. The shades of color for the common household variety of betrayal are in grays, not black, white or red-hot. Yet folks on either side of the betrayal highway feel more comfortable thinking in black, […]

50% Of Us Is Done: Marriage Over?

50% Of Us Is Done: Marriage Over?

By Jill Edelman . October 20, 2011

The Unfairness Factor: One of the more profoundly emotional experiences in couples work is watching the demise of a Coupledom when only one of the partners is “done.” The spouse who wants to keep the marriage alive is outnumbered. Yes outnumbered because it only takes 50% of the vote to emotionally dissolve the marriage. How […]

Finding Love Over Fifty Online?

Finding Love Over Fifty Online?

By Jill Edelman . October 11, 2011

Can Dreams Come True After Fifty-Two? I am hearing a lot lately about older folks meeting up and partnering or even marrying, happily and in many cases, unexpectedly. Unexpected in that either they had been searching for years with no results, or surprisingly lucky when they began their search to find the perfect mate. Perfect […]

The Divorced Coupledom: Milestones Celebrated In Court

The Divorced Coupledom: Milestones Celebrated In Court

By Jill Edelman . September 6, 2011

Back To Court: Several times a year, whether I am in session with a patient, or bumping into friends, acquaintances or former patients in the aisles of the local supermarkets, the phrase “He/She is taking me back to court,” is whispered to me in tones of distress, anger, irony or weariness. Weariness often more than anything laces […]

What Is The Media Doing To Our Marriages?

What Is The Media Doing To Our Marriages?

By Jill Edelman . July 21, 2011

The Famous Unfaithful: A couple recovering from an infidelity described being rattled by the constant news reports of the famous unfaithful. The upside of the battering ram of infidelity reminders is that the husband is regretful and pained by his actions, which bolsters his commitment to working on his marriage. His wife sees his struggle […]

Oldies but goodies: The Divorcing Coupledom: The Art of Uncoupling

Oldies but goodies: The Divorcing Coupledom: The Art of Uncoupling

By Jill Edelman . July 2, 2011

Jill is taking a break from the blog this week. Here is one of her most popular posts from the past year or so. Excerpt: In The Beginning There Was A Bond:  When the Coupledom, the domicile of the couples’ relationship, splinters, what can be preserved and what must be discarded? These are daunting questions […]

What Do Your Children Know About Your Coupledom?

What Do Your Children Know About Your Coupledom?

By Jill Edelman . May 22, 2011

Little Pitchers, Big Ears?  Children are sponges. They are meant to be so. Absorbent. It facilitates learning the art of  being human. Parents swell with pride when describing the latest juvenile achievement, seemingly spun from some invisible loom. Yet this sponge-like quality of growing children is recognized by proud parents when it suits us, and denied […]

Maria And Arnold: A Rorschach Test

Maria And Arnold: A Rorschach Test

By Jill Edelman . May 12, 2011

Separation Tremors: The announcement that Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver are separating after 25 years married and four children may be sending out tremors beyond the confines of the couples’ California home. What can have gone awry? Mid-life crisis; infidelity; anorexia; male or female menopause; the end of a political marriage matching the termination of […]

Owning Your Stuff Builds Coupledom Trust

Owning Your Stuff Builds Coupledom Trust

By Jill Edelman . February 25, 2011

Trust Busters: There are ample ways to mar and maim belief in someone’s regard for you. Trust marring can be as fleeting as overhearing a derisive comment about you, or as weighty as discovering romantic texts and hotel charges. Like the derma that covers our organs, we have muslin-like layers of protection covering our emotions; […]

The Divorcing Coupledom: The Art of Uncoupling

The Divorcing Coupledom: The Art of Uncoupling

By Jill Edelman . January 17, 2011

In The Beginning There Was A Bond:  When the Coupledom, the domicile of the couples’ relationship, splinters, what can be preserved and what must be discarded? These are daunting questions that deserve deep search and time. Here are a few guidelines  for both spouses to use as they engage in the art of uncoupling. Respecting […]

The Affair: No Moralizing Here

The Affair: No Moralizing Here

By Jill Edelman . December 12, 2010

Before; After; Not Yet; Never: Whatever your grouping of the moment, this read is for you. In today’s New York Times Modern Love Column, Wendy Plump pens an honest, metaphorically incisive depiction of an affair in The Coupledom. Having played both sides of it, Ms. Plump knows her stuff. No Moralizing Here? Are you already squeamish […]

The Divorce Survival ToolKit for Children of All Ages

The Divorce Survival ToolKit for Children of All Ages

By Jill Edelman . December 10, 2010

Children of All Ages: For any age group, the ramifications of separation and divorce are felt most acutely at holiday time. Adult children of divorce as well as their younger counterparts struggle with the new regime, the confusing order of things and benefit from a language and vocabulary that empowers them. Locating their boundaries and […]

Divorced: Now What To Do With The Ex-Laws?

Divorced: Now What To Do With The Ex-Laws?

By Jill Edelman . October 27, 2010

Former Mother/Father in Law: Step Children and Step Grand Children: Ex Brothers and  Sisters In Law, Ex Nieces and Nephews: Divorce is the highest stress factor in our culture. Breaking up The Coupledom, the  family and the household, is excruciating. And then there is the mess it leaves behind in the hearts, minds and pocket books […]

The Factor of TIME: Underrated and Overlooked

The Factor of TIME: Underrated and Overlooked

By Jill Edelman . October 20, 2009

TIME is a most precious commodity. Yet TIME for the couple to be together is often overlooked and undervalued, each partner rushing to do his or her best at the socially prescribed “role” of parent, employee or community volunteer. In therapy, TIME for the couple is valued, precious, proscribed and imposed. Boundaries are firm and […]

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