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Aiming high to achieve what matters most: Connection; Communication and Mutual Respect

The Factor of TIME: Underrated and Overlooked

The Factor of TIME: Underrated and Overlooked

By Jill Edelman . 10/20/2009

TIME is a most precious commodity.

Yet TIME for the couple to be together is often overlooked and undervalued, each partner rushing to do his or her best at the socially prescribed “role” of parent, employee or community volunteer.

In therapy, TIME for the couple is valued, precious, proscribed and imposed. Boundaries are firm and a couple is finally permitted to take the TIME to notice and attend to the pressing needs of the relationship.

It is easy to rationalize that one has neither the time nor the money for this “luxury.” But the price paid in not taking the TIME costs a great deal more. Divorces are expensive in dollars and pain, which lasts far longer than the time it takes for the therapy. Yet our culture chooses to deceive us in thinking that TIME for the couple is not as important as achieving and providing and can wait for the next day, someday, often the “it’s too late” day.

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Comments

  1. jlsimons says

    10/20/2009 at 4:20 pm

    What you say is right on the money, Jill. It seems like family is the first place we steal time from, but it should be the last. One thing I found when my wife and I were in therapy was that we had a safe block of time that was always there for us and neither of us could cancel or preempt for something “more important.” Welcome to the blogosphere, Jill.

    Reply
    • jilledelmanlcsw says

      10/22/2009 at 8:58 pm

      Hi Jeff,

      Thank you for your comment. I appreciate your feedback and am impressed by how much you felt that setting that “time” aside was helpful, in and of itself, in your couples work.

      Reply
  2. bracha f. says

    10/22/2009 at 3:38 pm

    i am so happy for you and i know that whoever is working with you will be very pleased with their success in coupledom..

    Reply
    • jilledelmanlcsw says

      10/22/2009 at 8:56 pm

      Thanks Bracha. I think as colleagues we can exchange ideas. much love always.

      Reply
  3. Linda Francese says

    11/01/2009 at 8:48 pm

    Hi Jill,
    I love this blog. It is so beautifully laid out and thought out. You say so many wonderful things here that are so true. This is wonderful!

    Reply
    • jilledelmanlcsw says

      11/02/2009 at 12:07 am

      Linda,

      Thank you. I am so glad that you were able to check out the blog. Please pass it on to anyone who may be interested and enjoy it. Your words make me feel very good.
      Jill

      Reply
  4. cindy freedman says

    11/10/2009 at 10:41 pm

    well you have successfully motivated me to check out a blog. Lucky for me it is your blog i love the information
    cindy

    Reply
    • jilledelmanlcsw says

      11/11/2009 at 9:19 am

      Dear Cindy,

      So glad to hear that. Makes me very happy. Thanks Cindy.

      Reply
  5. lynnie tolk says

    11/21/2009 at 6:37 pm

    dearest jill
    one cannot express how comforting it is to have an expert put our confused emotions and feelings so easily into beautiful words and thoughts. chris and i have both reread this entry a few times now. thank you, my friend

    Reply
  6. Kim Schneider says

    05/12/2011 at 7:21 am

    Insight first, Change second, TIME key. Time is the easy part!

    Reply

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