Before; After; Not Yet; Never: Whatever your grouping of the moment, this read is for you. In today’s New York Times Modern Love Column, Wendy Plump pens an honest, metaphorically incisive depiction of an affair in The Coupledom. Having played both sides of it, Ms. Plump knows her stuff.
No Moralizing Here? Are you already squeamish and about to quit the site, not to worry. Ms. Plump is not a moralizer. Absent here is the he is a …., she is a ……! Leave, stay, hide the accounts, find the barracuda attorney, throw the clothes out the window, sue for custody. Nor is this a country western ballad, twanging pain and heartbreak, though both emotions make appearances. Nope, none of that. This is real, not reality t.v., the “real” real. In fact, the author eschews advice, no matter the provider. The only moral to Wendy’s version of this non fable, real life story, is: don’t kid yourselves, this affair stuff isn’t pretty, no matter the magic, the soul mate glitter, the longings satisfied, the beleaguered marriage waiting at home. Ms. Plump just gives you a heads up on the experience. It is all process here, not prescription.
Required Reading: Could this be one of the year’s ten best for required reading? Yes, for immature and mature adult audiences. It is short, available by hitting the link above, and useful to anyone old enough to read it. If your affair or your spouse’s or boy/girl friend, has already disrupted the relationship, also hit these links on my blog: The Divorce Survival Toolkit for Children of All Ages and The Divorcing Coupledom: The Art of Uncoupling. Check the contents page for more posts on betrayal and forgiveness.
Be Sure To Read Ms. Plump. Today!
©Jill Edelman, M.S.W., L.C.S.W.
Jill:
Right on!!
I read both articles, yours and Plump’s..Excellent points!
From one who visited both sides of the fence..
I lived the feelings, the emotions, the frustrations, the lies, the angers..
It is not green on the other side of the fence..it is dirty, and not worth having!!!!!
Thanks Mickey for an honest take. A rare thing.
Which is worse Jill, an affair or a divorce? Marriage is not a long-term affair with strings, is it? 50% might think so. I ended my 23-year transgression-free marriage so that I could have affairs with no lover in sight with the hope of finding true-r love. Noble or shameful? If I knew how to make my marriage feel more like an affair I would still be married with all of life’s most beautiful benefits still in tact.