A Year of Loss

How is your Coupledom doing a year into the abhorrent challenge of the COVID-19 pandemic? Have you suffered the greatest price, the loss of a loved one – your partner or your parent, your child or your friend? I hope not and if you have, please accept my sincere condolences. I grieve with you and offer a space and place for sharing your feelings here. Many have lost dear and treasured family and friends, homes and jobs, and some may still, even as we begin to turn the corner…with fingers tightly crossed.

 

Is the “Pandemic Coupledom” the same coupledom as the “Pre-Pandemic Coupledom”? 

Capture Your Thoughts

In this particular moment, before the onslaught of creative, scientific and sensationalistic material strives to tell you what you feel, take a moment to reflect on what you have learned, what you have lost, what was gained, what has been discovered and what needs change, in your Coupledom.

Consistency is the Cornerstone

My work has continued throughout the Pandemic, thank you Zoom and FaceTime. Psychotherapists are amongst the lucky ones – as the new reality set in, we adjusted to the unanticipated, beautiful intimacy of faces on a screen; for me one of the fruits borne out of my virtual couples work.

Another bonus was greater consistency. With folks working at home, couples could meet more often, even in their bedrooms or cars in attempts to create some privacy from younger offspring as well as those returned to the homestead. Serious Coupledom challenges that may, in the past, have been relegated to back burner status due to time restrictions and travel, moved to the top of the list. In fact, everyone seemed more relaxed once the quirks and kinks were ironed out, even with the possibility of a lost connection, unstable WiFi or a power outage. Despite the occasional frozen face and lost phrase, for the most part, the gains were tangible: less strain, no missing trains or plane delays and more time to connect for all. I may never go back. A partner could be in another state that week – no matter. Zoom crosses state lines. The benefit of the consistency of the work for the couple is immeasurable. In all therapies, mental or physical, consistency is the cornerstone of achievement. Crazy COVID certainly hammered that point home to me.

The Meaning of Us

This is a year that gobsmacked each of us in unparalleled ways and is leaving footprints all over our relationships – all the relationships in our lives, especially the Coupledom. I am eager to learn from each of you the meaning of “us” after a year of confinement, mutual reliance, excruciating challenge and unexpected rewards. Of course, nothing will ever be the same again…Pandemic Coupledom has altered certain things indefinitely. The sheer passage of time makes sure of that. But these twelve months have demanded something else – adjustments in every aspect of living. Please share in the comments or privately, anything you wish to share. Perhaps in return, I can offer something too. Most of all, and above all else, stay well and stay near to your loved ones.

Joyful Reunions everyone.

©Jill Edelman, M.S.W., L.C.S.W., 2021