Thirteen Months and Twenty-Four Days: That is how long our daughter has lived in her new home. And today the Ability Beyond Disability team, along with the Connecticut Department of Developmental Services case manager, met with our daughter and her parents for her DDS annual review. The residential coordinator opened up the ceremonies by saying […]
Special Needs
The Red Couch Is A Year Old: 8-9-12
The Red Couch Is A Year Old: The Ability Beyond Disability services manager, mover and shaker of our daughter’s residential component, invited the two moms and the residential staff to lunch to mark a year since the ladies moved into their cozy duplex/CRS (Continuous Residential Support) on August 1 in Ridgefield, Connecticut. The atmosphere and […]
The Busy Life Of A Special Needs Adult: 6-25-12
Swimmingly: In the last six weeks our daughter’s special needs adult life has been going along swimmingly, pun intended. She participated in Connecticut’s Special Olympics aquatic state finals, including spending two nights in a Southern Connecticut State University dormitory. She received a medal for her excellent riding (her “seat” as they call it) at the […]
Mom, I Know I Was Born With Eggs: Parenting Adult Special Needs One Month At A Time
Checking In: More than six weeks have gone by since I last posted on our daughter’s adult special needs life, and a busy six weeks indeed. During that time our twenty-two-year old daughter started a new volunteer job at Best Friends in Norwalk, an animal daycare and grooming center, and continued her two other vocational […]
News, and a Special Opportunity for My Readers
Dear Readers, as you well know, it has always been my intention to use my journey as a parent whose special needs child was “aging out of the system” to help others who were not yet on that path, or even as perspective for those who were. This was primarily because there are few, if […]
A Humbling Journey with Warts and Blemishes for All To See: Part 2: 3-27-12
Jeez What An Adjustment: Since our daughter moved into her CRS on August 1, 2011, I have struggled to define the parameters of my role as mother in the new order. The fact that as of July 1, 2012 our daughter has become the responsibility of the State of Connecticut and a client of Ability Beyond […]
A Year’s Journey From All Sides Now: 03-26-12
All Sides Now: There is no easy way to end this series of posts on parenting adult special needs. Do I summarize, itemize, measure growth, anticipate challenge or celebrate accomplishment? Do I thank and applaud or alert and inform? Shouldn’t I be doing all of that? My hope is that I have done all of […]
Closing In On A Year & Building Trust: 3-12-12
March 30, 2011: In a little more than two weeks it will be a year since the first post on Parenting Adult Special Needs: One Day At A Time. Last week our daughter’s entire team of staff members from ABD (Ability Beyond Disability) and her DDS (Connecticut Department of Developmental Services) case manager sat down […]
Social Graces and Seven Months: 2-27-12
Demo Day: Saturday our family attended “Demo Day” at the Pegasus Equestrian Center in Brewster, New York, where our daughter, along with other students, demonstrated her equine knowledge and skill acquired in their “Horse & Me” winter “unmounted” program. At the stable, each student in her class stood by a horse while they and their […]
Two Ladies About Town: 2-20-12
A Pekingese Named Malachy: Our daughter and I had a grand time in New York City last Monday and Tuesday. The Westminster Dog Show was a “hoot” including the “best in show” Pekingese” Malachy, who we were lucky to view in the toy group Monday evening. Our daughter compared him to a “walking mop” and […]
Heading To The Dog Show: 2-13-12
Westminster Here We Come, Woof Woof: Today our daughter and I head to Madison Square Garden in New York City to see the 136th annual Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show, a long awaited second visit to this country’s pre-eminent canine competition. And we are psyched. Our daughter has already previewed the Monday night line up […]
Leap Year: 1-30-12
Six Month Review: How symbolic that the Connecticut Department of Developmental Services (DDS) has scheduled our daughter’s six month review on February 29, 2012, Leap Year! It will be six months since the August 1, 2011 move to her apartment in Ridgefield that has become her adult home. Leap indeed. What has transpired in these […]
Texting While Sleeping: 1-15-12
Small Offshore Coastal Occurrence: This was one of those weeks where fatigue created a small offshore storm in our daughter’s special needs life involving a missing DVD and a whole lot of texting. Our daughter had requested that we purchase the DVD for the movie Dolphin Tale as her final, and I mean final, gift of […]
Typical Friends And The Cyber Social World: 1-9-12
Question: There are many wonderful friendships made along the special needs pathway both for our daughter and for her family. Devoted, kindly and generous souls who emerge via a variety of interfaces, and most last. But I have a question here. Have those friendships that grew out of typical peers helping their special needs classmates […]
Medication Rears Its Ugly Head: 1-2-12
The Holiday Season: We had no breakdowns this holiday. Our daughter spent Christmas weekend with us and New Year’s with her apartment-mate and staff and all went swimmingly! Well, almost all. She did have a bit of a setback that confusing Monday post Christmas when transitioning back to her CRS (Continuous Residential Support) life and a […]
Uneven Terrain: 12-19-11
Ducks In A Row: Our daughter had a superb week, all ducks in a row, clear, cool weather including a day of Christmas shopping with mom at the mall, followed by an unexpected outing with both parental members to the Yale Museum of Art yesterday. Her apartment-mate was under the weather, which left our daughter […]
The Artichoke: 12-12-11
Update: Our daughter’s past week of adult living has been a hearty combination of successful vocational programming, physical activity and social fun. Actually, I didn’t see the gal from our brief interlude last Monday until Sunday evening, though we texted and talked. She swam with Angelfish, sang with SPHERE, cleaned and combed cats at ROAR […]
Super Good Week: 12-5-11
A Complete Program: Last week ranks as the first ever where all pieces of our daughter’s independent adult life were up and running. Miraculous. For starters, she went to three volunteer jobs, and none of them had a glitch. Ridgefield Crossings, the senior residence, gave her the task of escorting seniors to their yoga class. […]
Phase ll Of Parenting Adult Special Needs: One Week At A Time
Back To Business: A full week away from writing my blog has been strange indeed. Though the time was bathed in the joys of turkey grease, sweet potato skins, family fun and amazing Fall weather, I do enjoy being back at the keyboard. A daily ritual was absent and no surprise that the experience was […]
Sunny With No Chance Of Angst; Medication Dilemmas: 11-20-11
Sunny With No Chance of Angst: We hope. The young ladies seem to have passed their first domestic crisis and spent Saturday attending a matinée of The Wiz at our local High School. Last heard from, our daughter was coming back to their apartment for a chicken dinner. Medications in The Special Needs World: Given the propensity […]
A Hairbrush, Forgiveness and Natalie Wood: 11-19-11
Happy Birthday To Grandpa: If our daughter’s maternal grandfather were alive today, he would be 101 years old. Wow. Our children never met either of my parents but their presence is felt by my children in my presence as their parent. Happy Birthday to you Dad. A Wake Up Call With Horses: My iPhone showed […]
War: 11-18-11
The Honeymoon Is Over: Coming off of her Katy Perry moment replete with a meet, chat and photo-op, I was hopeful, with a measure of trepidation, that our daughter would return to her CRS in good spirits and a bountiful heart. Alas, no such luck. Her mate was battling her own demons this week, some […]
Amongst The Stars: 11-17-11
11:41 P.M. Our daughter must be meeting the star. Do these mega star concerts run this late? It is Wednesday night and our daughter went off to the Katy Perry concert without hesitation. In the car into NYC I told her that the concert was at Madison Square Garden, a place like a stadium. She […]
Coffee Grinds: The Sequel 11-16-11
Spill Over Into Wednesday: I regrouped, or so I thought, from yesterday’s weariness only to find this morning that my coffee filter was gone. Guess how? Yep, when I emptied the filter onto the Fed Ex envelope that I mindlessly threw into the garbage, the filter went in too. Pretty concrete way to measure exhaustion. […]
Home Heals: 11-13-11
Sunday, A Day Of Rest: Today our daughter is with us. She slept here last night, a good and restful sleep after “The worst week of my life.” It was a rough week, littered with interpersonal ruptures that took their toll with familiar melt downs so characteristic of this time of year, SAD (Seasonal Affective […]
Is This A Joke? 11-11-11
Gin Rummy: Our daughter’s first day of volunteer work at Ridgefield Crossings was a bust. The senior lady with the cat was out at a dentist appointment when our daughter and her staff escort arrived. So instead of being a “companion” she was asked to play cards with other residents. Gin Rummy. Did anyone read […]
The Senior, The Cat and The Daughter: 11-10-11
Ridgefield Crossings: It is a beautiful day in the neighborhood, burnt orange leaves glisten with gemstone rain drops outside my office window, framed by streaks of blue, grey and white sky and our daughter is off to her new volunteer job. Hurrah. Fingers crossed, the senior, the cat and the daughter get along. Is the […]
Oil Change: 11-08-11
Coming Attractions: Today I am off to get an oil change, 20,000 miles plus on my new Toyota Venza, purchased a year ago on our daughter’s 21 birthday, November 4, and it seems appropriate to my state of mind. I am a bit burned out by birthday celebrations, storms and sickness and look forward to a […]
Humor, The Antidote: 11-07-11
The Two O’clock Hour: Our daughter went to sleep at two in the morning after Friday night’s birthday. Though evening staff has a role to ensure that the girls shut off cell phones and laptops by 10 P.M. to enable them to wind down for a decent night’s sleep, somehow our daughter managed to keep […]
The Delights of Difference: 11-06-11
Pride To The Sky: Yesterday our son and his boyfriend joined day two of our daughter’s birthday celebration. The young men took the train from the city and we all drove to the Palace Theater in Waterbury, Connecticut to see In The Heights and catch up with their high school buddy who is in the […]
We Are So “P” of You: 11-5-11
A Run Down On The Cats: During our ride back from the birthday dinner/shopping celebration last evening, our daughter described her work at The Complete Cat Clinic earlier that day. She spoke of Elwin Nelson, Mocha and Coco. Elwin Nelson is white with brown patches, a male and “adorable.” Coco is a cat whom our daughter […]
Super Giggles: 11-04-11
No Roar, Yet Giggles: Today is our daughter’s twenty-second birthday. I called her this morning and sang “happy birthday to you” with some silliness added on. She exploded in giggles, which sent waves of joy through the phone line to me. Excited much? You bet. And today was to be her second “first day” volunteering […]
Two Lady Grumps With A Lot To Share: 11-3-11
Senior Residence: Surprise, Surprise, Ridgefield Crossings start date has been delayed another week due to power outage. Still waiting to hear from Roar, postponed last week due to Ringworm. These vocational settings have been fraught with problems, though the trustworthy Complete Cat Clinic has remained steadfast and true so far. Medicaid Update: Looks like the bureaucratic glitch […]
Coming Up On 22: 11-2-11
Birthday Girl: Two days from today our daughter celebrates her twenty-second birthday, which will be marked by a variety of events including attending theater in Waterbury, Connecticut to see “In The Heights” and a trip to the Vera Bradley store at the Westfarms Mall. Bass Player Pal: Her brother and his boyfriend are coming up […]
Medicaid Mix-Up But Power! 11-01-11
Waiver Whatever: I took our daughter to her doctor and ran into a bunch of bureaucratic glitches that broke my spirit for the moment. Unfortunately my condition was frightfully contagious and my poor daughter caught it. Bored Yet? Not to belabor the boring, of which I am often guilty, the Doc’s prescription for an antibiotic […]
Power-Less Sorceress: 10-31-11
Happy Halloween: There are 800,000 households out of power in the State of Connecticut. Our daughter’s CRS is amongst them as well as her folks’ abode. Her bro is blessed to live in his “rabbit hole” in NYC, stocked full of power and all the carrots he can eat. The second power outage since the […]
Ringworm! 10-28-11
Really? I stopped by our daughter’s apartment yesterday afternoon to drop off some Halloween costume options and a bunch of winter wear, only to find out that her first day as an official ROAR volunteer, scheduled for today, had been cancelled due to cases of ringworm found among the animals. How Ironic: Apparently our daughter handled […]
Pulling Back? 10-27-11
I Wonder: Is the new season of Special Needs Adult Living upon us? Is it time for me to pull back a bit? I would like to think so. The vigilance of the last almost three months since the ladies moved into their apartment (August 1) is time-consuming and my extensive email correspondence with the […]
Two Moms Celebrate: 10-26-11
“A Celebration of Ability”: As planned, my husband and I met up after work at the Ability Beyond Disability annual meeting last night, aptly named “A Celebration of Ability.” Neither our daughter nor her apartment-mate attended, though there was an exhibit of their CRS (Continuous Residential Supports) replete with photos of the ladies. But it […]
We’re Getting There: 10-25-11
Patches: Our daughter’s patchwork quilt of an adult future is almost complete. Not a forever kind of complete, for life is always in motion and motion means change. But the last big patch to make up the initial assemblage is that vocational piece and this Friday, our daughter’s first day at ROAR, heralds the successful […]
Giardia and Feral Cats: 10-24-11
Smart Girl: I caught up with our daughter at last when she called me yesterday around 2:30 P.M. as I was on route with my son to help him move into his new apartment/closet on 15th Street in N.Y.C. The young lady surfaced at last to give me her view of her tour of ROAR, […]
Tender Care: 10-22-11
TLC: Last evening hubby and I stopped by our daughter’s apartment after work to deliver her Vogue Magazine, The Quarterboard, Riverview School’s newsletter which included a photo of our daughter, and her Mucinex D. The young lady was watching the movie Julie and Julia, seated on her red couch in her pink Susan G. Komen sweat […]
Spirals Of Anxiety: 10-21-11
Halloween’s Haunt: Every year as the leaves drop and front lawns are bedecked with spider webs, dangling sheeted ghostly figures, and wondrous ghastly creatures, our daughter gets sick. By Halloween night or a few days later on her birthday, she is either on Zithromax (yes we have tried the naturopathic route) or at least Mucinex […]
No Answer, Not Much: 10-20-11
No Answer: I am not sure what activities were scheduled for our daughter’s vocational day today as neither she nor any of her staff have answered my calls. By next week I am hopeful that both placements, ROAR and Ridgefield Crossings will be in place. I know that her ROAR training is scheduled for this Sunday. […]
A Magical Combination & A Swimming Buddy: 10-19-11
Angelfish Rocks: Our daughter apparently had a mighty fine time at her first full-fledged Angelfish swim lesson last evening. Her ABD staff told me she worked well with her new swim buddy, a young gentleman of similar age who welcomed companionship in the pool. I am thrilled. They did laps and jumping jacks and whatever […]
Angelfish: 10-18-11
Swim Lesson At Last: Tonight our daughter will have her first semi-private swim lesson with Angelfish, and Cindy Freedman, the talented occupational therapist who welcomed our daughter as a volunteer last Spring. Cindy’s talents are known far and wide. My fingers are crossed that our daughter will allow the Angelfish magic to take hold, and […]
Love Her For Who She Is: 10-17-11
Ronan: I had an idea for today’s post but dropped it this morning when I read Emily Rapp’s piece in Sunday’s New York Times, Notes From A Dragon Mom, about her son Ronan, eighteen months old, who has Tay-Sachs Disease. The article is painful, so I am not suggesting it to readers without a useful motive. […]
Full Circle: 10-16-11
Off To Take Her Home: We just had a marvelous evening. Our daughter and son spent a cozy Fall dinner in our home with two of our dear friends whom they have not been with since they were little children. The wife was a classmate of mine in graduate school and remains as dear to […]
More Than One Mother: 10-15-11
Cozy Comfort: Last evening I dropped by our daughter’s apartment to deliver her dog magazine and a Pegasus announcement of a pumpkin-carving party next weekend, and while there, was able to take the pulse on her mood after her “misunderstanding” with a staff member. She looked great, was having popcorn and watching a movie with […]
Trouble In Paradise: 10-14-11
Oh Dear: Our daughter called at 9:03 a.m. today. And then again at 9:06. I was working but when I picked up the message at 10:15, it was something like this: “I am having a water problem.” Well, it has been raining fairly steadily for 24 hours so I assume there is a leak in […]
What, No Cheesecake? 10-13-11
Restaurant Review: Our daughter went out last night with her apartment-mate and family to celebrate the young lady’s birthday, destination Cheesecake Factory. As food is a primary passion for our daughter, I was eager to get the inside track on the meal, especially the cheesecake. I checked in on the young ladies as they were […]
Post-Traumatic Momma; Completing The Quilt: 10-12-11
Sewing It Up: Happily, today I received a call from the ABD vocational director who has finalized the hiring of the missing piece, that vocational staff person whose presence is necessary to complete the quilt of our daughter’s daily adult life. A couple of weeks ago the ladies met her and she now has even […]
Double Negatives and No Plans: 10-11-11
Today’s News: I checked in with our daughter after her DSO (Day Services Option) today to find out how she is feeling. “I’m better.” She had a rough time for a couple of days due to probably just a bouncy ride in the back seat of the staff’s car on windy roads just after eating […]
Join Their World: 10/10/11
100 Years Of Peter Pan: Today’s New York Times Op Ed section had a piece written by Maria Tatar, chairman of Harvard’s folklore and mythology program who reminded us all that this week Wendy and Peter are one hundred years of age. In my opinion, one hundred wonderful years for those of us who fell in […]
Patches Missing In The Quilt: 10-09-11
The Vocational Patch: It is now probably six weeks or so since the vocational life skills staff member abruptly left her post, leaving our daughter with only one volunteer job at The Complete Cat Clinic, a placement I had found for her two years ago. The other possibilities, ROAR, the animal shelter, and the senior residence […]
Sequined Skirt and Silver Shimmer Shirt: 10-08-11
Bundled Day: Today we are bundling Pegasus with mall shopping and Yom Kippur break-fast in NYC. So far, so good. After meeting at riding, my daughter and I went on a mission to purchase party shoes (no small challenge as she needs flats with straps), jeans and cords (equally challenging as she wears petites which […]
Part of The Process, Not The Solution: 10-7-11
Epilogue: Last evening at 9:15 I called my daughter’s cell phone to find out how her SPHERE rehearsal went, and if she felt O.K. about being there. As there was no answer, I called the CRS (Continuous Support Services) apartment phone line, knowing the staff person likely would answer. And she did. Her first words […]
Mom’s Boundaries: 10/06/11
What A Walker Gal: We had a great time in NYC. The show was a hit with our daughter. The star Sutton Foster owned the stage, tap dancer par excellence with vocal chords any aspiring diva would envy. We loved it all. We parked the car thirty blocks from the theater, as the day was […]
A Times Square Gal: 10-05-11
New York, New York: We are heading in to NYC to see “Anything Goes” today. Our daughter and I. We are frequent attendees of the Times Square area, going back to her first Broadway show, which I think was, “Once Upon A Mattress” with Sarah Jessica Parker, (or maybe “The King and I” with Donna […]
Entitlements? Well Maybe Not For Long: 10-04-11
Our Children’s Future: This YouTube video link was sent to me by a dear friend. She posted it on her Facebook page. I did the same. The young lady featured in the video, Kira Fisher, speaks eloquently about her future concerns regarding her struggles with government funding and maintaining a life of self-respect and productivity. […]
Local Forgiveness and “Anything Goes”: 10-03-11
Anything Goes: Our daughter called twice today with scheduling questions. She likes to line up her events, which this week include attending theater on Wednesday to see “Anything Goes”, the 1930’s Cole Porter musical romance. The tickets are a combined graduation and upcoming birthday gift from her aunt. Our daughter loves the show’s leading lady, […]
The Mayor’s Daughter, Some Dogs, A Mini-Melt: 10-02-11
Pissarro’s Family Tree: Yesterday my husband and I visited The Clark Art Institute on the campus of Williams College in Massachusetts. Viewing the Camille Pissarro exhibit, I thought often of our daughter and missed her by my side. She would have been fascinated by works both of his dying daughter and his dying mother; in […]
Oldies but Goodies: Our Child Is Gay; Hasidic; Autistic; Muslim; Bi-Polar; Asperger’s; Born Again: The Coupledom Adjusts
Jill will be back with a new daily post tomorrow, but for tonight, here’s another of her Oldies but Goodies. Excerpt: The Parenting Gamble: Whether you birth or adopt a child, genetically screen or take your chances, what you draw from the pile may please you, challenge you, overwhelm or revolt you in turn. The […]
Oldies but Goodies: Parenting Adult Special Needs: One Day At A Time
Jill is taking a break from her daily posts tonight and tomorrow night, so since it’s Rosh Hashanah and the start of a new year, we thought it was a great time to revisit the very first Parenting Adult Special Needs: One Day At A Time post from March 30, 2011. Excerpt: Your Child Is […]
Witch/Which Mother? 9-28-11
Witch Mother Makes An Appearance: Today is a grey, wet, merciless looking day. It started out decently between my daughter and me. I met her at the apartment with the intent to shop for PJ’s. The new furniture, ottoman and two side tables, fits like a glove. No problem, no defects. But my daughter’s room […]
Holes in The PJ’s and Snagged: 9-27-11
Sphere: This was a SPHERE day for our daughter. She and her apartment-mate joined a small number of fellow SPHERE members on a visit to the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City. Normally on a Tuesday she would be at her DSO program but she chose to go on the field trip. I […]
All About Me: 9-26-11
Yes Indeed: It is almost 6 P.M. and today has been all about me. Well, almost. Our daughter had her Day Service Options (DSO) program at Ability Beyond Disability where they do a variety of social activities. And though I put in a call to her cell a half hour ago, she did not pick […]
I Am Busy With Something: 9-25-11
Other Family Matters: I was busy today with other family matters and called our daughter early this evening to catch up. She didn’t pick up on her cell so I called the apartment phone and her staff person told me of their day, which included a movie about a dolphin who lost its tail, a […]
Flying Home On A Donut: 9-24-11
We Made It: I missed an exit leaving the Cape, no surprise as I was super sleepy. Sharing a bed with our daughter in an Inn she disliked (my mistake) left me super drained and groggy. Probably stirred up by the prospect of the following morning’s memorial service and reunion with former classmates, teachers, and […]
A Shared Grief and A Puncture: 9-23-11
Riverview: What a profound place, this special education school that embraces its students and their families with arms of acceptance and devotion, class and humor. The memorial service for this precious young man, who perished because his seizure disorder interrupted an innocent dive into a lake he has probably spent years paddling about in, wrapped […]
I 95 North: 9-22-11
Kleenex: We are off to the Cape. I don’t need my Garmin. My daughter wants to know the dress code for a memorial service at her school. For me, the necessary article is Kleenex. I have no idea what this return will feel like for her. But I will be watching. ©Jill Edelman, M.S.W., L.C.S.W. […]
I Believe In Dreams: 9-21-11
Catching Up: Since our daughters moved into their new home about seven weeks ago, the other mother and I have not chatted. All was going well and we had the freedom to take care of other aspects of our lives. Today we finally caught up to make some decisions on coffee tables, ottomans and side […]
Oh What A Night! 9-20-11
Colbie in Concert: Our night out on the town was splendid. Colbie Caillat is a teenage girl’s dream, soft, sexy, and descriptive on stage of thwarted love, regrets of affection withheld, vows to reveal more passion and take no guff (well that particular song was really about her girlfriend). With a slim body sporting denims […]
DSS Messes and A Scary Future: 9-19-11
DSS: The Connecticut Department of Social Services, which handles the entitlements of Medicaid and food stamps, has decided to mess with my head in the last week or two. I can imagine how this must feel for folks who are more handicapped, cannot get to the DSS offices, or have few family members to deal […]
A Date With A Lady: 9-17-11
Bouncing and Beaming: This morning I met our daughter at the Pegasus Equestrian Center in Brewster, New York for the first class of her Fall program. The only female amongst five members, the group were of similar ages, one young man already living in a group home in Norwalk, Connecticut, managed by the service agency Star. […]
A Litter of Kitties and Buck: 9-16-11
Mocha: Today our daughter has her Complete Cat volunteer job. I spoke with Dr. Eisen, the vet, who informed me that her cat Mocha had a litter Thursday and our daughter will be able to interact with one-day-old kittens when she shows up for her work this morning. The clinic has embraced our daughter, offering […]
Purposeful Blogging, Pass It Along: 9-15-11
Get Started Now: Our daughter has been participating in the Ability Beyond Disability adult program for 2 plus months with the residential piece in place for the last 6 weeks. As I track this transition to independent living with supports, I am mindful that readers who have more recently joined this narrative may not benefit […]
ROAR Follows Up: 9-14-11
Off To The CRS: My daughter has her residential support day today. One of her activities is banking, which at first I heard as baking. She also has a team staff meeting where the young ladies meet with the behaviorist assigned to the CRS (Continuous Residential Supports), the nurse and other staff. I believe they […]
Looking Ahead And Behind: 9-13-11
Full Schedule: Our daughter’s Fall schedule is rich in variety. She has a concert date to see Cobie Caillot, her current favorite, a trip to her alma mater for the memorial service of her school friend, the resumption of her riding class, Pegasus, this Saturday, hopefully new volunteer options including ROAR the animal shelter in […]
Sibling “Sonshine”: 9-12-11
The Other Children: Two weeks prior to my fortieth birthday, we had our first child, a son. He was and is the love of my life. I could have stopped there but being one of three children, my husband one of five, I pondered the wisdom of a second go around. I began to gather […]
How Smart Is Humor: 9-10-11
A Necessary Balance: I had to cancel our UGGS (boots) shopping yesterday. Rescheduled for next Saturday due to a previous commitment to my husband to head down to Cape May Point, New Jersey if the weather were good. And so it was. Our daughter handled the delay well but I didn’t. I felt that I […]
A Celebration For The Artists: 9-9-11
Sphere Art Program: The Ridgefield group SPHERE had their end of summer art show last night. Our daughter’s many pieces were displayed including the papier-mâché dog head. She and her apartment-mate greeted us in the Lounsbury House, the 1896 mansion on Main Street that serves as Ridgefield’s elegant community center. SPHERE board members were taking […]
Uggs, No Hugs: 9-8-11
30-Day Review: The meeting yesterday reviewing the first thirty days of adult independent living was a kind of love fest. The conference at Ability Beyond Disability had nine staff members, our daughter and myself. When I walked in at 12:30 our daughter was seated at the table nibbling on a bag of cheese crackers and drinking […]
The Thirty Day Meeting and Temporal Awareness: 9-7-11
Pending Good News: I received a voice mail from the Pegasus people to say that our daughter has a 95% chance of being in the Fall riding program. We will find out Thursday. At 12:30 today the Ability Beyond Disability staff and our DDS case manager meet at an ABD office to discuss the last […]
No Dad’s Paintings Please: 9-6-11
Love Her Spunk: The Ridgefield CRS apartment is a pretty stylish place these days. The residential coordinator picked out an area rug for the living room, a runner for the hall and hung some curtains to soften the noises being emitted from the red couch. Both the coordinator and the other mother, having seen her […]
One Mother Wanted To Schmooze: 9-2-11
The Check In: Thirty minutes after I published yesterday’s post, our daughter called; “Hi.” “Hi Sweetie, how are you?” “Good.” “How was your day?” “Good.” “What did you do?” “Well…” And she went on to describe a trip to the recreation center, time on the treadmill, a visit to Puppy Love, a local pet store, […]
No Power, No Water, No Daughter: 9-1-11
September Morn: New England loves September. It is our return to clarity of mornings, yellow buses huffing and puffing fumes up steep hills (delayed by Irene’s iron club) the Mark Twain Library Book Fair (Twain lived and died in our Redding woods, founding his eponymous library during his two year stay). It is all a […]
Skunked And Bumped: 8-31-11
Home At Last: At 3 P.M. yesterday our daughter called, joyful the power was on in her Ridgefield apartment so the gal was going home. Whew! Now that was timely, as our son had reached me moments earlier from our house to say our generator was “fried.” Darn, the guys were right, keeping it on […]
Yearning For Return: 8-30-11
Disruptive Despite The Fun: These are hairy times in so much of our area. Though I find consolation in the continuous party atmosphere, reassuring myself that though our daughter’s been dislocated from her new home, she is enjoying the adventure, in fact she is yearning to return to “my cozy little apartment and my apartment-mate.” […]
She’s Back: 8-29-11
The Empty Red Couch: Irene brought our daughter home. Irene, the hurricane of 2011 who will go down in East Coast history as a late summer mini-series of dramatic proportions, exerted her force on many a family unit. In our case, she imposed significant bonding momentum in our circle of immediate family and neighborhood friends. […]
A Very Social Storm: 8-28-11
We Bailed: The vote was unanimous, five in favor of boarding the 1:30 ferry yesterday bound for Bridgeport, Connecticut, a smooth crossing indeed. After stops for food, including a local farm replete in pigs, blueberries and an amazing flax seed bread, we reached home. Our son made his original wheat berry beef stew, inviting his […]
Awaiting Irene: 8-27-11
Day 1: Our ferry trip and drive across Long Island were blue sky perfect. By 6 PM the mighty Atlantic was surging with perfect swells for body and board surfers. Pint-size bathers were playing in the shallow puddles produced by the surge. The pause before the storm revealed an enchanting interlude of innocent children in […]
A Sticky Visit and To Cry Or Not To Cry: 8-26-11
A Slight Melt: What was to be a quick visit to our daughter’s apartment yesterday evolved into a longer familiar episode in which an array of discomforts and stresses was expressed. The technical aspect of the Facebook issue was resolved prior to my arrival with a defriending. But the emotional aftermath with some spill over […]
Attaining A Rhythm: 8-25-11
Another Pop-In: Our son stopped by his sister’s apartment with a friend yesterday. They all had a blast together, the two young men, our daughter, her apartment-mate and some staff. The apartment offers a great social meeting place. Today I will run over at her request to chat about some “social” issues arising from a […]
Oh No, Hurricane Irene, Disappointment Brewing? 8-24-11
Disappointment History: For several months our daughter has eagerly awaited two terrific events, attending Long Island’s Hampton Classic Horse Show with her cousins this Sunday and the ASPCA Adoption Day also at the show starting Monday at the invitation of the Senior Director of Special Giving at the ASPCA, a super lady who was gifting our […]
Did You Miss Me? 8-23-11
The Chocolate Lab Comes Home: Last evening my husband and I visited our daughter at her apartment, bringing both the stuffed dog and her real dog, Ms. Wags, aka Waggy, whom she hadn’t seen since August 1. I had the feeling that our daughter really missed us this past weekend. She called many times while […]
Closing In On Fall: 8-22-11
September Schedule: When your children are no longer following a school semester schedule (first time in 21 years for us) and you happen into a Staples or even CVS, busting at the seams with frantic moms and distracted kids racing around with baskets full of notebooks and binders, it comes as a shock. Oh no, […]
Sheer Coincidence and The Personal Pays Off: 8-21-11
Magic: The sheer coincidence of things makes me wonder if readers will think I am writing fiction not fact. But fact it is. Two days ago my focus was on concerns that our daughter’s volunteer job at the cat clinic was ending with no new animal-related work on the horizon and what was my role […]
Our First Separation: 8-20-11
A Weekend Away: We left the area for the first time since our daughter took residence in her adult independent living abode. Yesterday afternoon my husband and I headed for his home state of Maine. Our daughter had virtually no reaction, certainly no concern. Her only request was that we purchase a stuffed chocolate lab […]
The Elusive Job Piece: 8-19-11
A Door Closes: The latest news on the volunteer job front is a bit unsettling. The Complete Cat Clinic, a veterinary practice which specializes in the care and breeding of our feline friends, is a small and cozy operation. Dr. Sharon Eisen, the owner and friend, welcomed our daughter’s services over the last few years […]
Expressing Sympathy And A Special Needs Match: 8-18-11
I Am Sorry For Your Loss: Those are the words our daughter wrote, unprompted, on the sympathy card she sent yesterday to her friend’s parents. I was so touched. She added one more sentence, “I miss…” and signed her name. Who taught her those words? I did, the culture did. She absorbs it all, seamlessly, […]
The Night Shift and Supplemental Needs Trusts: 8-17-11
Unrealized Fears: The other mother and I had worries about the nighttime staff. The two women had appeared sleepy and detached at the all-staff introduction only a few short days before the girls moved to their new apartment and alarm bells related to nighttime, new home and strangers in charge rang loud in our maternal […]
A Condolence And Busy Being Neighbors: 8-16-11
Neighbors: This is a unique chapter indeed. Prior to boarding school, which began when our daughter was sixteen, she spent most of her time out of school with her parents. In the last five years, ten months of the school year and five weeks in the summer our daughter lived four hours away, eight total round […]
Losing A Friend: 8-15-11
What Do You Say? Our daughter lost a school friend yesterday. I received an email while we were lunching with her cousins that one of her classmates died suddenly, unexpectedly. They had shared a graduation two months earlier. I didn’t tell her at first but waited until we were back in her apartment and her […]
Deluge And Delay: 8-14-11
Falling Behind: Today we lunched with delicious cousins who practically rowed up in the deluge of rain that poured the distance between Westchester County and Ridgefield and back again. They delightedly posed for pictures on the red couch, lunched and left for home leaving our daughter and her mate happy and feeling loved. Now I […]
A Trot And A Halt: 8-13-11
Pegasus Summer: Sadly, our daughter’s summer riding program ended this morning. She trotted, halted and went on a trail ride displaying balance, focus and progress beyond my expectations. Much is due to her awesome instructor, Liz Fortis. Though on the waiting list for Pegasus’ Fall program, our daughter will definitely attend the winter “unmounted” program […]
Pregnant, Tired Or Fired? Nope Just Gone: 8-12-11
Irony, Life’s Theme Song: I just reread the last paragraph in my 8-8-11 post. The paragraph started with the topic: “I Love This Coach” and ended with a silent prayer. I think you get my drift already. Yes, the coach is gone, poof, as of yesterday. No kidding. Neither pregnant, tired nor fired, she just left. […]
A Date And A Cake: 8-11-11
Celebrating Again: A dear friend and colleague who lives three doors down from our daughter’s apartment visited last evening with her daughter, a cake and a splendid bouquet of yellow flowers. My husband and I escorted the ladies out to a local restaurant where our daughter regaled them with her take on Planet of Apes, […]
A Visit From DDS: 8-10-11
Yesterday’s News: Our outstanding Connecticut Department of Developmental Services case manager visited the young ladies’ apartment yesterday. She sent me an email to express how much she liked the apartment, how happy the girls seem to be and what a wonderful job Ability Beyond Disability has done in fulfilling the record keeping requirements of DDS. […]
“Buck” Brings A Tear: 8-9-11
Tough Stuff: My girlfriend and I had a long awaited evening out last night. We went to see the movie “Buck,” a documentary produced and directed by Cindy Meehl, which captures the pain and beauty of the man who inspired the book and film, “The Horse Whisperer.” As Ms. Meehl lives in our town and […]
A Thumbs Up On Planet of The Apes: 8-8-11
Afternoon Review: As soon as I finished my post yesterday, with the assumption that our daughter was done with me for the day, she called. Back from her movie, and eager to share her impressions, we talked for about forty-five minutes. James Franco rocked, and the ape movie received a thumbs up from someone whose […]
Funding A Life and Some Polo Play: 8-7-11
Polo and Work: Dad reported wonderful things about our daughter’s Pegasus riding yesterday. The students were mimicking polo play, holding foam sticks aimed at balls on cones; even the horses were being trained to nudge the balls off the cones. She trotted, rising high in her saddle, followed by leaning so far forward that a […]
The Quesadilla Maker: 8-6-11
The Redheads Come To Call: One P.M. yesterday, just as advertised, our visitors rang the doorbell at our daughter’s new apartment. Mother and daughter drove 3 plus hours southwest to welcome our daughter to her new home. They came bearing gifts in colorfully wrapped packages, both eager to support our gal’s new life. Our daughter […]
Full Mailbox: 8-5-11
Mom’s Day Out: Mom’s Day Out hit all the right notes. The Frick Collection has many of the great masterpieces I studied on slides decades ago in college. Walking through its majestic rooms with Bellini’s St. Jerome, the Van Dykes, El Grecos and Turners, presumptuous as it sounds, felt like greeting old friends. “Oh there […]
Off To The City, Feeling A Little Giddy: 8-4-11
Facebook Cheering Squad: Before I head off to NYC, I must report that viewing my Facebook page and seeing the comments folks send to my daughter, comments from family, her friends, my friends and her brother’s friends, touches me deeply. I posted photos of the girls’ “installation” into their new abode and the feedback, “love […]
I Like This New Phase: 8-3-11
Dropping By: I like this new phase. Daughter lives twenty minutes away and requests some items. I drive over and drop off the items; we chat, go over her requests, I watch her proudly hang up her chains and bracelets on the jewelry lady stand the staff gave her, and then I leave. Pretty darn […]
Successful Launch: 8-2-11
Celebrating With Balloons and An Earache: Truly all went smoothly yesterday. Aside from an earache, probably swimmers ear (she is being taken to her doctor today by staff, amazing), the move-in was a triumph of coordination and readiness. Seven ABD staff members were present, setting up, cleaning or just greeting our daughter and her apartment-mate […]
A Poignant Passage? 8-1-11
Or She Is Just Growing Up? Our daughter doesn’t seem to be registering this transition as different from her return to boarding school each semester. Nor does her dad. The great leveler of all things emotional, he describes the process as signifying that “She is just growing up.” True, but somehow there is some legality […]
The Chocolate Fountain and Mom’s Cognitive Confusion: 7-31-11
The Summer of Love About To End? Tonight is the final night home…tomorrow’s dawn introduces the new regime. For six weeks our daughter has conducted two on again, off again summer romances via cell phone conversations, Facebook and texting. Once she moves into her apartment new rules apply. This social romp, with no face-to-face encounters […]
Night Time Fears: 7-30-11
A Team of Caretakers: Ability Beyond Disability, our service provider agency, is hoping that the program developed for our daughter and her apartment mate will serve as both a template and a model program in the State. Utilizing the CRS residential category (a Connecticut Department of Developmental Services (DDS) model that translates to Continuous Residential Supports For […]
Bed Made, Now Sleep In It: 7-29-11
Apartment Ready: Yesterday our daughter worked at the Ridgefield Library straightening out the books. She also went swimming with her job coach at the Ridgefield Park and Recreation. All is proceeding beautifully. They then had a brown bag lunch (my daughter makes her bologna sandwich the night before) and came back to the family home. I […]
Haunting Scenarios: 7-28-11
Supermarket Couples: The images of elderly moms and middle-aged special needs adult children walking down the aisles of local markets always haunted me. Long before I had my own special child, I would see these twosomes and wonder what would happen to this special adult when their parent died? It all seemed so sad and […]
When Will We See Her Again? 7-27-11
Gulp: Today I spoke with our residential coordinator from ABD who is busy tying up loose ends, training staff and figuring out the Wi-Fi conundrum. I asked her about the move-in day, August 1. “Do we just send her off to her DSO (Day Service Options) at 9 a.m. and then she goes home to her […]
Count Down: 7-26-11
Ready Or Not: I think I am ready for the hand-off. More importantly is our daughter? I think so. I’m beat. But this is not about Mom. This is about our daughter and I think she is ready too. Home is good but it includes a “nagging mom” and nagging moms, at some point, are […]
How Do You Teach Gratitude And Hurrah For The Other Mother: 7-25-11
The Dining Table Deal: While we were blissfully removed from the angst of Wi-Fi and cable installation (not happening) enjoying a weekend by the sea, the other mother was nailing down the rest of the kitchen list and buying the living room television. Brava, Other Mother! And even better, she saw the dining table I […]
Back To Reality And A Star Magnet: 7-24-11
Sunday’s Farewell: The weekend family frolic is ending and we will soon board the ferry back to reality. I don’t know if the other mother picked up the list of household/ kitchen items and went off to shop. Or if measurements were taken with the intention to purchase the flat screen television for the living […]
This Moment Of Now: 7-23-11
Far Away: this weekend has taken me far from the intensity of the last few months. We are celebrating family and connecting with life long friends, people who have followed our daughter’s journey from birth. Center Stage With Babies: There is a new generation of babies and when they are present, they are center stage. […]
Cleaning Sticky Books: 7-22-11
Madam Librarian: Our daughter’s first volunteer day at the Ridgefield Library was less than stellar, from her perspective. Her job was to wipe off the sticky smears left by preschoolers and the like on book covers and pages. To her credit, according to her coach, she did a thorough job. I thought that was grand. […]
Successfully Installed With One Glitch: 7-21-11
Danny and The Truck: Interesting how you can monitor delivery by the moment. Tracker Bob, or whatever it is called, keeps you guessing, but gives you answers. It’s just that they keep changing the answers, up, down and sideways. However, I did install myself in the Ridgefield apartment which joyously has central A.C., with my […]
No Cable, No Move? And Mucho Dinero: 7-20-11
No Kidding: 8:33 P.M. last evening our residential coordinator emailed that installation of the cable Wi-Fi system failed yesterday due to antiquated wiring. Hey, that sounds like me, antiquated wiring and some fraying around the edges. Her staff requires Internet access immediately upon move-in and it wasn’t certain that cable rescheduling with re-wiring is possible […]
The Red Couch: 7-19-11
So Little Time, So Much To Say: This morning, after dropping our daughter off at the Day Services Options program, the other mother and I met with the ABD service manager for DSO programming. What unfolded was most reassuring. My daughter and her future apartment-mate are two members of a newly formed group of 12 young […]
Pots, Pans and New Plans: 7-18-11
Outfitting For Adulthood: Yesterday, the sunny sleepy summer kind of day, our daughter was content to loll around the house, regrouping from a hectic first week of Ability Beyond Disability programming, two very social nights at home, and an energizing yet ultimately enervating sidewalk sales event the previous day. Unfortunately for her, Mom has a […]
Ambiguity Doesn’t Work For Special Needs: 7-17-11
Sleep Overs: While observing our daughter frolicking with family friends, her brother and one of his pals last evening, I began to wonder, when she moves in to her apartment, will we have sleepovers? How does that work? If home is there and home is still kind of here, can she just call and say, “Can […]
Not All Links In The Chain Are The Same: 7-16-11
Incomplete Cat: Yesterday I hit a wall. Our daughter’s day, an “Individualized Day” with a coach who takes her to her volunteer job, was a bomb. First the poor lady got lost coming to the house. Not a biggie. But then the placement, The Complete Cat Clinic in Brookfield, CT, didn’t know they were coming. […]
Staff With Bounce And Mom Bumps: 7-15-11
Playing Catch Up: Wednesday was “Individualized Home Support” day. Since the ladies have not as yet moved into their apartment, the home support consisted of a residential staff person, Melissa, arriving to pick up our daughter so they could spend time getting to know each other. The plan was to take her to the new […]
The Day Ran Away With Me: 7-14-11
Furniture: Though there is much to write about our daughter’s last two days in her program, I will leave that for tomorrow. Today I spent three hours buying bedroom furniture, because I realized at 5 a.m. last Monday, that it was less expensive and more pragmatic than dragging her bedroom here to there. With her […]
Madam Librarian And A Home In Two Towns: 7-13-11
Madam Librarian: At 4 P.M. yesterday, as instructed, I showed up at the Ridgefield Library, located in our daughter’s soon to be new hometown. As most continental Americans know, July 12th, 2011, was one hot day. Our daughter emerged from the library panting much like puppy dog Wags whom I had just left at home. […]
The Pop-In, A Flat Tire But A Decent Day: 7-12-11
The Pop-In: I did do the pop-in at noontime. The little bus was late but off our daughter went to her first day of two-per-week attending a group program at ABD’s Leir Pavillon. Just twenty minutes from our home, I was able to dash over between sessions to observe the Day Support Options, a fairly ambiguous […]
Waiting For The Little Bus, Again? 7-11-11
Deja Vu: It is 8:15 a.m. and our daughter is up, dressed, breakfasted and logged on to Facebook. The Ability Beyond Disability bus is expected any moment. After a five-year absence, and no longing for its return, I can’t believe the little bus will be coming up the drive again. So many memories of little […]
When Something New Is Ventured And A Horse Named Milos: 7-10-11
Pegasus: Yesterday our daughter resumed her career in horseback riding in a pristine arena followed by a trail ride under a soft blue sky. She rode Milos, a grass-eating, somewhat distracted brown horse. She proudly sat tall in her saddle, monitoring her posture, which was one of her two stated goals, the other being staying […]
Vacationing With Special Needs: 7-9-11
The Agony and The Ecstasy: We are back. A week spent in Florida with our daughter and our niece whacked me with the good and the not so good of special needs vacationing. I am always reluctant to describe our daughter’s “mishaps” or “screw ups” to illustrate why she is “special” but in the service […]
An inspiration for special needs families… but so much more too
Taking a break from taking a break, again, I couldn’t resist commenting on “For Some With Autism, Jobs to Match Their Talents” in The New York Times Opinionator Blog this past week. This column is an inspiration and model for families. Hopefully those with similar resources are moving to harness the abilities of special needs […]
Make It Even: 7-1-11
Televisions, Telephone, Wi-Fi & What Else: Ability Beyond Disability went into the young ladies’ apartment yesterday to begin the installation of Wi-Fi. Our service coordinator called to ask if our daughter would want cable in her bedroom. My preference is no. She does not have a television in her bedroom now, and with her laptop […]
Finally A Walk and A Talk And Health Concerns: 6/30/11
The Beauty of Tarywile: With almost two weeks on her home turf, our daughter has been to appointments, visited her future apartment and apartment-mate to be, attended family functions and a local adult special needs art class but until last evening, she had not done a stitch of exercise. “I’m too tired.” Somehow, with the intoxication […]
The Strangeness Of Proximity: 6-29-11
Dad Visits The Apartment: Last night, for the first time, our daughter’s dad visited her soon to be new home. We set the trip mileage to zero and drove to the next town. Nine miles, eighteen minutes without traffic, between home and future abode. The tour went well and our daughter was proud to show […]
One A.M. Bedtime and Visiting Gaudi: 6-28-11
Late Nights, Long Phone Calls: Two weeks into our daughter’s vacation, two weeks short of the onset of programming, and the regression begins. This translates into 1:00 A.M. plus bedtime, hours on her cell with a young man northeast of here (this social contact is the good news), and resistance to “taking a walk” for […]
Special Needs Sense of Humor, Without Judgement: 6-27-11
What Do “La Cage Aux Folles,” “Priscilla, Queen of The Desert,” “Hair” and “Monty Python” All Have In Common? On the first Monday after New York State legalized same-sex marriage, indeed a time to celebrate difference, it occurred to me that our daughter and many of her special needs friends have the ability to laugh […]
A Flip of a Coin and The Illusion of Permanence: 6-26-11
So Far So Easy: The new apartment has one large bedroom, clearly the master, with two fairly spacious closets. The other bedroom is a good size with a small closet. This could be a real challenge for two young ladies to come to terms with, but not our gals. At least not initially. A coin […]
Buying Underwear At The Mall: 6-25-11
My Heart Swelled: Yesterday was a pretty femme day, haircuts and two trips to Victoria’s Secret at the mall, the first at our daughter’s request to purchase undies with some graduation money. The second to buy a gift for a cousin, another Victoria fan. As we entered Victoria’s chambers, a patient rang me on the cell, […]
Knowing My Limitations: 6-24-11
Spray ‘n Wash: I am chuckling now because I never knew how to spell Spray ‘n Wash until this post. I was prompted to check the spelling after I saw my daughter take the green bottle from the laundry room to the bathroom to spray her sweatshirt. Watching her spray the areas where paint from the […]
Who Will Teach Her Now? 6-23-11
What Will Happen With Money, Time and Measurement Issues? At our meeting two days ago with the service agency, Ability Beyond Disability, I brought out one of those refrigerator-size white 3-ring binders labeled “Career Portfolio” that Riverview/Grow and our daughter have assembled over two years. The contents include her vocational evaluations from Project Forward where […]
Parents Search For The Best Package: 6-22-11
One Size Does Not Fit All: Our family’s journey to find a suitable adult life for our daughter involved very specific steps from identifying need at an early age with the Department of Developmental Services, fulfilling eligibility requirements for SSI and Medicaid at eighteen, guardianship, and getting our DDS case manager actively involved in finding […]
Tighten The Purse Strings and A New Peer Group: 6-21-11
A Glimpse At The Future: The Ability Beyond Disability team members responsible for staffing and planning the individualized day program visited our home this morning. A portion of the time was spent interviewing our daughter on her interests, social and vocational strengths and weaknesses and signing forms. We were also provided with an overview of her week […]
Sounds Similar, But Don’t Be Fooled: 6-20-11
The Glories of Home: In the last week, since our daughter arrived home, the laundry load has tripled, as she believes that once worn, wash needed. By the way, she can do her own laundry but who has time to stand by her at the washer and dryer when we are running helter-skelter setting up […]
She Rocked The House and Stole The Show: 6-19-11
Happy Father’s Day: We are all happy today. Much has come together for our daughter in the last week. At her father’s birthday party, many friends celebrated the finalizing of the apartment in Ridgefield. Several either live near by her future cozy home, or work nearby. Throughout the gentle summer evening, bits and pieces of […]
Charles Dickens Pays A Call: 6-18-11
A Rich Disparity: Special Needs people are not of one ilk, as those who move in that world know. There is a wide-ranging diversity. Yesterday, driving our daughter for a follow up doctor’s visit for a quick check of TB shot spot (required by the service agency), I put on the 3rd CD from Charles […]
Giving Away The Bride: 6-17-11
Bittersweet: In conversation yesterday with our service coordinator regarding funding, we reviewed what monies would jeopardize our daughter’s qualifications for the government programs she is now receiving. A burial plan was mentioned, which she doesn’t have, but the words went through my veins like ice water. Wow, haven’t gone there before. The mere mention of […]
Keys To The Future: 6-16-11
We Passed: DDS inspected and approved the apartment yesterday. The girls have the go ahead to move in and a set of keys. Ability Beyond Disability expects us tomorrow to complete paper work. The phase of “Adult Independent Living” is officially launched! Funding and Outfitting Questions: In a brief conversation with our service provider, I […]
The Little Cottage: 6-15-11
Real Estate Suspense: I suppose real estate transactions are more similar than different, special needs or otherwise; competing with another offer, seemingly winning the prize, but there is that inspection. Today at noon we meet with DDS at the apartment. All seems in order or easily resolved. Lease was signed. For fifteen days, until the […]
OMG We Got The Apartment, I Think: 6-14-11
Busy First Day Of Adult Phase 1: Our daughter had her lunch meeting with future apartment mate and six ABD team members yesterday at the Olive Garden. The other mother was working so when I showed up with our daughter, the team asked me if I wanted to stay (I didn’t) but I bowed to our […]
The Blossom Award: 6-13-11
All Graduated And Ready For Adulthood, Phase 1: A soggy but sentimental and satisfying Riverview graduation weekend is over. Our little graduate, Grow class of 2011, was awarded the Blossom award for …blossoming this year, into a pretty powerful, ever curious and learning young adult female. A conglomerate of 19 family members, from both sides […]
Off To Graduation Weekend: 6-10-11
Suspense: The other mother and I put in our bid for the modern apartment. Alas, someone else made an offer as well. The owner has to decide which offer to take. We won’t find out until later today. I will be on the road by then, and hope to reach our daughter’s school campus by […]
The Apartment Challenge Continues: 6-9-11
Does It Take A Village To Find An Apartment? What was viewed as a no-brainer a couple of months ago, finding a two-bedroom apartment in the desired complex, is now a daunting task. We have spread our search to other apartment complexes and buildings. The other mother and I, our realtor and the service manager […]
On The Brink Of An Apartment: 6-8-11
Victorian: The other mother went over to check out this apartment I saw on Monday in a Victorian house within walking distance of Main Street. This might work. Spacious rooms, bathed in sunlight, expansive porch and the police station around the corner. It is an authentic Victorian which means a bit old fashion and a […]
The “R” Word: 6-7-11
Slurs: I grew up in a world that was well acquainted with religious slurs, but not the “r” word. Perhaps because in the 1950’s and early 60’s, the world focused on communist threats and racial and religious inequities, leaving the problems of the intellectually challenged for the most part, out of the news. My early childhood […]
Fast And Future Friends: 6-6-11
The Young Ladies Are Busy Tightening the Bond: In one week our daughter will be home, having completed her formal education. Apartment-mates to be, and without anyone’s suggestion, the two young ladies began gearing up for their future together. Age appropriately, they are connecting on Facebook, chatting about boys, and making plans for an outing the […]
Home For Ever: 6-3-11
“Hey Jill its __I am now home for ever:” This was the message on my Facebook Wall from our daughter’s future apartment mate yesterday. After eight years away at her boarding school, she has returned to resume/begin her new life in her hometown. The joy inherent in those few words is palpable. In a week […]
Proving Need, Is It Over Yet? 6-2-11
A New Thought: While tossing and turning over thoughts in the middle of the night, (something to do when you can’t sleep, the dog woke you up, the room is too hot, or you are a partial insomniac, which I am), a startling realization flashed through my brain, zephyr-like and fleeting. I had to catch […]
Momentum Building, It Must Be June: 6-1-11
June Is Busting Out All Over: Looks like the word is out. I am not sitting on my hands nor is anyone else. The Services Manager at ABD (Ability Beyond Disability) called to let me know she is hard at work. A lady after my own heart, she informed me that she likes to get […]
A Five Year Ritual Ends: 5-31-11
Holding Pattern: I think I have been in a bit of a holding pattern for the last couple of weeks. There were a series of meetings that had a finality to them: Ability Beyond Disability some weeks ago where we officially signed our daughter over to their care, come July; the Project Forward, Cape Cod […]
How Do You Translate Special Needs Into English? 5-30-11
A Different Journey: This is the season for parents to mark their children’s passages, whether it is a “moving up” ceremony to middle school, or the great leap from college to…somewhere and beyond. It is a fun exchange of parental pride edged with some skepticism and fear. But for the special needs parent, there is […]
Count Down to June 12: 5-29-11
Thirteen Days Away: Sunday two weeks from today at 10 a.m. our daughter, dressed in cap and gown, will enter the tented arena for the Riverview/Grow graduation ceremonies. I have a lump in my throat and fear in my belly. Memorial Day Perspective: Tomorrow is Memorial Day and the media is a buzz with all […]
This App’s For You: 5-28-11
Tech Eval: Last summer the transition coordinator at our town’s High School referred our daughter for a tech evaluation to determine if she would benefit from iPod touch’s many apps for special needs. The answer was yes so the school purchased the iPod touch and trained our daughter over several sessions, before she went back to her […]
The Little Mermaid: 5-27-11
Which Mermaid Was That? Out of state friends visited some months after our daughter’s birth. I was in the throes of Disney ecstasy, believe it or not, after having seen the Little Mermaid with our son, who shared my joy. After all, what could be more reggae fun than Sebastian the crab and the hysterically evil Ursula, […]
Job Description…Mom: 5-26-11
Geography: A challenging component of producing a rich program for our daughter is transportation. Several interesting offerings are miles apart. Volunteer jobs in animal settings with caring and willing staff may not be easy to find and one intriguing possibility is an hour south of here. The more local option works only with cats, and our […]
All Graduations Are Tear Jerkers: 5-25-11
Tears Galore: All graduations are moving and long. Inevitably when your child or their best buddy walks up to receive the diploma, the heart swells, and the tears spill. A special education graduation offers an additional punch. A real pow to the emotional gut. Tears for The Struggles of Others: There were several student speakers […]
Graduation #1: 5-24-11
Project Forward: This morning we are heading up to Cape Cod for the Project Forward graduation ceremony at Cape Cod Community College in Barnstable. I plan to buy some flowers or a Vera Bradley something while on the road. My husband and son are on board and our daughter is super excited. Three Diplomas: Actually, […]
Exited: 5-23-11
Exit Meeting: Thirteen in all, most on conference call, gathered to finalize our daughter’s exit from the school system. Four institutions were represented: our district High School, Joel Barlow High, where our daughter spent her freshman year; Riverview School, the special education boarding school that our daughter has attended since the age of 16; Ability […]
SPHERE, Special People Indeed: 5-22-11
An Acronym That Works: SPHERE , founded in 1987 by a group of parents in the town of Ridgefield, Connecticut, stands for: Special People Housing Education Recreation Employment. And Wow, they are special! Last night I attended the yearly performance of SPHERE’s theater group. This year, for the first time, the group made a movie, an […]
Closing In On Aging Out: 5-21-11
Funding Approval: Yesterday we received word that our daughter’s future apartment mate received DDS approval to fund her part of their shared staffing requirements. This was the final patch needed for that section of the crazy quilt of future planning. Finalizing The Goodbyes: Monday we have the final PPT with our school district. Participating in […]
Special Needs and The White House: 5-20-11
David and Susan Axelrod: Even the White House knows special needs. While away for six days with my husband, I watched Piers Morgan on CNN interview David Axelrod, President Obama’s former senior advisor and primary campaign strategist. David and his wife Susan Landau are parents of a “special needs” daughter, now in her late twenties, […]
Taking A Break: 5-12-11
Coming Down To The Wire: Today I am off to my daughter’s school. Four hours up, four hours down. She is having a bit of a rough patch and no wonder: this is the end of the year pressure that many students feel, special needs and typical, and on top of that, she is saying […]
Where Were The Parents? 5-11-11
Where Were The Parents? While writing yesterday’s post I imagined readers thinking, “But where were the parents when their daughters’ were violated?” Those of us who raise children with disabilities know that providing 24/7 supervision is an enormous challenge. When our daughter went off to a boarding school at age 16, this pressure was lifted […]
Sex Education and Special Needs: 5-10-11
Informed Is Empowered: Today I was privileged to attend the 2011 Champions Of Choice annual luncheon, sponsored by the National Institute For Reproductive Health and NARAL Pro-Choice of New York. Amongst an impressive roster of speakers, including Gloria Steinem, founder of Ms. Magazine and Kirsten E. Gillibrand, U.S. Senator for New York, was Dr. Laura […]
Cousins Fill The Friendship Gap: 5-9-11
Dedicated To Rosa: Yesterday was Mother’s Day and on Facebook our niece posted a Happy Mother’s Day to me. On the heels of yesterday’s piece regarding the absence of real friends for many special needs children, I remembered with gratitude how much our daughter’s cousin filled in the gaps for many years. Cousins Rock: When […]
Romance and Special Needs: 5-8-11
What To Expect: There is something powerfully profound about the romantic connections of special needs teens and young adults. While in the public school system our daughter had her crushes but no real chances to experience the fun of mutual flirtation. At the age of sixteen all this changed when she became a student at […]
Dating? 5-7-11
Facebook Friends: A tremendous resource for special needs young adults is Facebook. Often the circle for these young people is limited by their cognitive difference, their inability to travel on their own and a host of other challenges. Communicating with former schoolmates and family friends, siblings’ buddies, cousins, and friends of friends, is easy and […]
Agency Transition Meeting: 5-6-11
Ability Beyond Disability: Our service agency, aka ABD and formerly known as Datahr Rehabilitation Institute, headquartered in Bethel, Connecticut, held something along the lines of a warm and welcoming cabinet meeting. The heads of the various units met, not in the oval office, but a conference room with a great big table. I sat at […]
Protecting The Siblings of Special Needs: 5-5-11
The Others: I don’t know the statistics, but I would bet that most of us special needs parents have other children. I have spent a great deal of time amongst these other children, my other child, and the children of families with whom we have shared Special Olympics or horse back riding programs, special needs […]
Training For Mother’s Day: 5-4-11
Mother’s Day and Special Needs: Our daughter is upset that she will not be spending Mother’s Day with me. She can if she really wants to do that. I can drive up to her school in four hours. That is not the problem. Ambivalence: What seems to be at work here is the issue of […]
“Grad or Age-Out” and The Importance Of The Case Manager: 5-3-11
Hoping for Clarification: In the last several weeks I have had a number of conversations with moms with adult special needs children regarding what qualifies some for a residential priority placement and others not, once they reach the age when their school districts are no longer responsible for them. Keeping in mind that every state […]
Do You Have To Be Educated To Raise A Special Needs Child? 5-2-11
Excuse Me? A recurrent question thrown out over the years of raising our daughter has been, “what do people do who are not educated like you two, and have to raise a child with disabilities?” I find that question as off-putting as the equally frequent observation that “Your daughter is so lucky to have parents […]
In Transit: 5-1-11
Contact in Motion: Everyday for the last three weeks our daughter calls me. This is new. She has had a cell phone for probably four years but never has she called me with anything remotely resembling this frequency of contact. Probably ninety percent of the calls are made while in transit. She is on the […]
Becoming a Client: 4-30-11
Admission Paperwork: On Friday, May 6th, our daughter becomes a client of her service agency. The other mother and I are instructed to bring psychological evaluations, documentation of all income sources such as SSI and SSA; Medicaid and social security cards; guardianship documents; recent medical exams; lists of medications and doctors information to a meeting […]
Clarification: No Magic Wand Here: 4-29-11
Looks Easier Than It is or Was: As I continue to blog about the next chapter in our daughter’s life, I want to make sure folks know that I stumbled along in the darkness for a long time too. That pieces of this crazy quilt are slowly assembling should not obscure that I had no […]
Inspection Rehearsal: 4-28-11
Passed So Far: At the request of myself and the other mother, the service manager from our daughter’s soon-to-be service agency and a DDS representative met with the realtor and me at a 2-bedroom apartment in the complex where we hope the young ladies will reside. The purpose was to find out if this unit, though […]
Discomfort Zone: 4-27-11
Scathing But Essential: Yesterday’s post resonated with a number of moms who identified with the need to present their child’s abilities with scathing accuracy. Scathing in the normal world, because the flaws and imperfections, weaknesses, incapacities, seeming “stupidities” are emphasized, not the talents, the goodness nor the abilities. This is a deeply painful process for a […]
Needs Based Assessments and IQ: 4-26-11
A Significant and Subtle Difference: While on the campus of my daughter’s school Sunday I ran into a mom whom I have mentioned here previously. Her daughter has two more years at school before she “ages out” into the adult special needs community. It is increasingly clear to me that a seemingly innocent evaluation by […]
Graduation Queen: 4-25-11
Closed Stores and Opened Hearts: Our visit with our daughter was delicious. Not because we shopped until she dropped, because most of the stores at the outdoor mall she had chosen, were closed for Easter Sunday. She weathered this disappointment without a blip. In the past, this would have been a disaster. The restaurant she […]
Easter Sunday With Our Daughter: 4-24-11
Eight Hours Roundtrip: Our daughter has invited us to spend Sunday with her. She has planned the entire day. In consultation with her dorm counselors, her own excellent internet skills and keen eye for shopping possibilities and eateries, she has picked a new locale for her folks to visit with her. Empowered and Proud: You […]
Aging Out Scenarios: 4-23-11
Each One Is Different: Our daughter’s boarding school offers a transition weekend program each school year. Over five years, I attended three of these weekends. Amongst an offering of workshops on a range of relevant topics, the program includes a panel of parents whose children graduated from the school and are now in that phase […]
The Young Ladies Are Getting Psyched: 4-22-11
Roommates: Yesterday our daughter’s roommate joined her mother and I when we visited the two apartments. She had an Easter break which our daughter did not. There was a noticeable excitement in her face as we walked through the doorways of each apartment. Together the mom and daughter inspected closets and checked kitchen cabinets, chatting […]
Good News and More Questions: 4-21-11
9:09 A.M. Today: I just wanted to let you know that PRAT reviewed and approved the request for rent subsidy for both girls, effective 7/1/11! That email came from our case manager just as the other mother and I are about to visit two potential rental sites. Timely for two reasons: PRAT approved an […]
“Oh, The People You’ll Meet”: 4-20-11
Full Circle: Perhaps sixteen years ago or so, I attended a local meeting of parents of children with challenges. We were early in our journey and I found myself memorized by an attractive, vibrant mom whose son was perhaps eight or so years older than my daughter. She impressed me with her blunt approach towards […]
Graduation 2011: Again? 4-19-11
Another Graduation: Our daughter graduated from her boarding school secondary program in 2009. Two years later, one year shorter than many of her fellow graduates in ’09, she is about to graduate from the post secondary program. I thought we would low key this one. Her secondary program graduation brought in cousins, aunts, uncles and […]
Our Daughter’s Question: 4-18-11
Keeping Her In The Loop: Our daughter called yesterday with a question, “Did M. (our case manager) find out about the funding yet? Furthermore, “When will we know about the apartment?” I can hear both interest and excitement in her voice. An Informed Consumer: For years I have kept her abreast of the broad strokes […]
On The Same Page: 4-17-11
Vacancy: Yesterday we received notice in the mail that a vacancy for a two bedroom apartment in an affordable housing complex became available. Sadly not in the town of our choice. Nor an area that we view as safe. The Other Mother: The notice came to our family but the decision had to be made by […]
Female and Special Needs: 4-16-11
Female and Special Needs: Our daughter qualifies for 24/7 supervision, so far. This designation is based on a group of factors including navigating safely while traveling to different settings; transitioning from one activity to another on time, such as sleep to work; social judgements along the lines of what to do if approached at the mall […]
Bureaucracy versus Safety: 4-15-11
Ceiling on Rent: I am feeling concerned regarding rent allocations. There is a HUD ceiling for a rental in our area that falls short of the current market value of a two bedroom apartment in the town that we would like our daughter to reside. To apply for a higher rent subsidy allocation, the other […]
Building Momentum: 4-13-11
A Structure Unfolding: We have momentum now. On the funding front our case manager and the services director from the service agency are putting the finishing touches on “Packages” to be presented to the funding bodies for approval. On another front, since our daughter’s decision not to return to her school/camp for the five week […]
Exiting: The Purpose of This Meeting 4-12-11
The Final PPT: Yesterday, I received confirmation for our final PPT, mid May. Our daughter is now about to “exit” from our school district after 13 years of being under their auspices, since the age of 3. From her entrance into an inclusion special education preschool through her freshman year at the local high school, […]
Our Daughter The Blogger? 4-11-11
A Question of Privacy: Our daughter knows that I write a blog on couples relationships. As yet I have not told her that I began blogging on her aging out process. I figure this is a conversation to have in person, with visuals. She has enough on her plate, as they say, without adding another […]
Structure or Regression: 4-10-11
A Tenet of Special Needs: Every parent of a special needs child fears “lack of structure”. You begin to hear that term as soon as your child is identified. I assume you work at it for the rest of your functioning parental life. Because, the warning goes, if your child does not have “structure”, they […]
Looks Like She Is Ready: 4-9-11
Saturday 11:30 a.m. ” I want to do Angelfish with Cindy this summer”. Our daughter appears to be ready to leave her school for good! Wow. She proudly announce this decision before noon today via cell phone. “I need to work this summer!” Tempted But Controlled: I was briefly tempted to review that both Angelfish […]
Confusion Looms: 4-8-11
Grey Choices: Making decisions when grey is the color of the moment, is tough for all of us. Our daughter is at a crossroads of such a situation. Summer Planning is Obtuse: Eluding us is a concrete aged out plan for the summer due to funding delays. Question: should our daughter return to her school […]
Parenting Special Needs: Find a Mutual Passion: 4-7-11
Bonding and Passion: Follow Their Bread Crumbs. I was thinking about how I discovered the key to managing a young defiant special needs child. For many many years our daughter was resistant to most activities outside the home except shopping. She loved the mall. At 2 years old she could go through the racks of […]
Are We There Yet? 4-6-11
Purpose, Patience and Perseverance, The Three P’s of This Process: A fellow parent from my daughter’s school emailed yesterday with questions regarding the aging out process. Her daughter is a fellow schoolmate of our daughter, one year her junior and from a different state. As I responded to her email a bunch of memories flowed […]
Apartment Hunting and Oprah: 4-5-11
Today looked great: The “Other Mother” and I went to look at an apartment in the desired location, a nearby town with excellent services and a wonderful adult special needs community. We had visited an affordable housing site a week earlier in a less desirable town. The apartment we visited today was perfect. Three hours […]
Funding: A Cautionary Tale, 4-4-11
Vigilance Required: As we approached our daughter’s 21st birthday, and subsequent aging out of our school district, we considered whether an out-of-pocket third post secondary year at her special education boarding school, would be indicated. “Out of pocket” 100%! Our local school district has funded an important portion of our daughter’s education for the last […]
Having A Comrade Helps: 4-3-11
Our daughter is matched with another young lady to share an apartment (a CRS), and supervisory staff (utilizing the same service agency, required, and a common DDS case manager, helpful but not necessary). Two young ladies together is good. For funding and other reasons, three would be better but no other match exists at this time. […]
Parenting Adult Special Needs: One Day At A Time
Your Child Is Coming Back To A Town Near You — Or Maybe They Never Left: Our daughter is graduating this June from a special education boarding school and returning to her home state of Connecticut after five years living with peers in a dormitory setting where all needs were met: academic, social and vocational. […]
Our Child Is Gay; Hasidic; Autistic; Muslim; Bi-Polar; Asperger’s; Born Again: The Coupledom Adjusts
The Parenting Gamble: Whether you birth or adopt a child, genetically screen or take your chances, what you draw from the pile may please you, challenge you, overwhelm or revolt you in turn. The odds are that many parents/Coupledoms will become members of clubs that they never wished to join, and may be horrified to […]
A Couples’ Challenge: Special Needs Children, Young and Adult
SPECIAL NEEDS: The term is used here to include children of any age with medical, emotional and/or cognitive challenges. This will be the first of several posts on this subject A PERSONAL AND PROFESSIONAL PERSPECTIVE: As a parent of a special needs young adult, and a couples therapist, I see firsthand the impact that raising, […]